If I let my kid choose everything for himself (@ age 8), he'd eat nothing but ice cream, pizza and chocolate, and he'd be wildly successful at video games. And he'd likely never brush his teeth... or bathe.

Perhaps one difference in my approach is that I don't consider piano to be an extra-curricular activity at all. It is very curricular in my book.

So... he is required to eat all sorts of vegetables, brush his teeth, limit sweets, bathe regularly, and do his homework... and practice piano.

Joining the band at school, however, was entirely up to him, as was the choice of instrument (other than forbidding violin -- sorry!). Practicing for that class was his responsibility, and I did not impose myself in any way. I thought this was a good compromise, again showing myself to be a kind and benevolent dictator. (Ditto for tennis and kung-fu.)

Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house. - Fran Lebowitz