Dandy, I agree with hip about the shock when I learned the habit of not applying myself. I could still get through college math without the work but I didn't learn anything. Dandy, you are not doing your child any favors.

DD is across the hall on a playdate now. I am not so strict that she cannot do it. But she did piano this morning and then ballet class, lunch and then finished her piano practice before playdate. She committed herself to this concert of contemporary composers and she is going to do the work (yes, she is only 6 but she was asked to perform and she said yes)

I had a talk with DD at bed last night. I told her that dad and I are "mean" because we want her to have options when she is 20. We will make her practice piano, and apply herself in other areas and demand good manners (she went to a manners dinner at the Harvard club and I would do it again 4X a year) so that she can do anything she wants.

My parents came from Europe after WW2 and all they had was their education to rebuild from scratch. Just like all the Jewish doctors after WW2 because those parents came with nothing and "drilled" it into their kids to get an education -- they were the Chinese parents a generation ago.

I think if you come from a family where real difficulty or tragedy, like a war, has not hit your home and you have lost everything, then you can cater to an attitude that you are being cruel to your children. The question yet to be answered, who is really being cruel to their chilren? The "chinese" style parent that gives their child options (the option to do nothing and write poetry under a tree is always available after you are 21) or the parent who hopes that their graduate will somehow find his way and a job and out of your home before he reaches 30.

Ren