My goal is to allow him to be challenged and to internalize the cause and effect relationship between effort and results so that when he does find his own passions he will be able to pursue them in a manner that will allow him to excel.
In addition to learning he's stuck and can never quit something he's not enjoying I see many other possible lessons he's learning. These include: My mom thinks I'm lazy, my mom thinks the way I want to play isn't good, if I don't do everything 100% I'm no good, learning anything that requires effort is painful, I'll never be able to focus in a way that is as good as what my mom expects, what I want is ignored, and my way of approaching things is wrong.
Over the long term it matters not even a little bit if he could play the piano when he was eight. What really matters is what he's learning about himself as a learner and a person. It seems to me right now he's getting a lot of negative messages about that can be baggage that can be difficult to overcome. I can say at this point in my life I barely remember anything I learned about piano or music in the six years of lessons, but I definitely remember the intense feeling that I was a disappointment and that my way of approaching this instrument didn't measure up to what my "talent" suggested it should.
As a result of my experience I took a totally different approach with music lessons for my family. My responsibility is to pay for lessons and provide transportation and to be an enthusiastic audience when you request. If you have problems and request help I will provide it. Your responsibility is to practice a reasonable amount (approximately five times a week) and to work with your teacher in a way that is respectful. If you take care of your responsibilities I pay for lessons. If you don't that's okay, take what you learned from it and move on to something else you will enjoy more. I can't say it would be the case for every child, but eight years later our student remains a devoted, self motivated music student. It is a passion. If it hadn't been and he moved on that would have been good too.
If you have to be involved in rewards or punishment to control his learning you've already lost the value of the activity.
