He only performs 1-3 times/year and exhibits no anxiety over it.
Whose idea is it for him to perform?
I mean, I can understand it in a situation where a child's life revolves around the parents goals of musical/athletic achievement. But that's not the case here. Again, we are talking 3.5 hours/week. Total.
This is where I can see the possibility some pushiness.
You've defined the amount of time and
you've decided that it isn't very long. Did anyone consult your son?
It seems to me that if someone really "hates" that, then it's not really about the task at hand. There's something else going on.
When I was a kid, I had to do something for only one hour every week. I hated it. Detested it. Dreaded it. One hour on a Sunday morning was enough to make me miserable about it. The Sunday before I moved out was the last time I ever did this activity.
Liking/hating something is up to the person who has to do it. No one can make a person like something by forcing it on him, and it's not really up to you to define how much is too much here.
It's very easy to define "pushy parents" as the ones who force a child to do something for hours every day. But this behavior is just the extreme end of the spectrum.
If you're forcing your son to do an extracurricular activity that he doesn't want to do, you're being pushy about it.Regardless of the time commitment, I don't think he finds piano innately unpleasant. Both he and his brother were working on Solfeggietto and I stopped it with him because he just would not slow down to learn it properly and he needed to work on other pieces.
A lot of what I've read seems to be about about
you and what
you want, not what your son wants. It's good that you realize you made a mistake, but the you-aspect of all this is coming out very strongly throughout this thread.
He only complains about the piano when he is asked to play - he doesn't bring it up at other times.
Maybe he isn't interested and doesn't think about it at other times.
I feel like we just need to get over the hump.
There is no "we." There is just "he."
It's been a while now, though, and if I don't see an improvement (in attitude) soon he will have to give it up. But again, I'd like to try and see if there's anything I can do before taking this final step. My time limitations make it unlikely that we could get back into the swing of it if he quits now.
Sounds like he wants to give it up and you don't want him to. If he wants to play the piano, he'll do it without you --- passion comes from within. No one can put it there.
Val
