CAMom - It is a safe bet that no matter what you do he will cry less as he gets older. My concern about the current system is that for perfectionist kids it is important to keep the stakes low of trying new things. If he knows every new activity is going to bring on those extreme feelings of despair and helplessness only solvable by other people that isn't an incentive to keep trying activities. If the solution every time is that adults force or push him to get through that further reinforces that he's pretty helpless. I'm wondering if more progress and success may be made in advance planning including creating a system by which he can take a break until he can get himself feeling calm and back on track.
My parents very much "forced" me to learn.
So, I guess, not surprisingly we are both carrying on family traditions! As a kid I considered my activities my own. I recognized they were a gift in that they were expensive for the family, but I considered it my responsibility to make the most of the gift. I didn't want to parents present or in the middle of it. That would have spoiled it for me because activities were a place for independence, for developing relationships with teachers and teammates that were my own and for taking responsibility for my own learning. I can't imagine my parent being in the middle of it begging me to participate or threatening me. It would have erased what was the value of the activity.
I believe this is more of a cultural shift than a generational shift. Countries that are outpacing us in science and math have longer school days and years, compulsory tutoring, intense lessons and focus on education.
I agree there are significant cultural problems but I don't think more of the same is the solution. Kids do more activities than ever and more parents than ever are more involved in their kids' activities. A generation ago soccer moms weren't the norm. We had moms who were in the other room drinking coffee while their kids rode their bikes to the baseball field.
As for detox- an unrealistic request in my family.
IT pays the bills here too and we've chosen not to have electronics at the center of our home. It is an option, maybe not an appealing one to you, but it does exist as an option. The parents' occupation doesn't have to be the defining force behind the way a child spends his or her free time.
