It's good to think about. I followed a link from the piano teacher's comments to someone's blog calling Amy Chan "authoritarian". Reminded me about a line in the book "parenting the gifted child" about three types of parenting- authoritarian, authoratative, and permissive. The best choice is authoritative. I guess the best lessons in that is Cesar Milan's teachings on how to be a pack leader. How to be gently assertive, calm but not cruel. And in charge.
http://academicsfreedom.blogspot.com/2011/01/focus-on-effort-not-talent.html
And this guy from the piano teacher's comments brought it back to Carol Dweck. I suppose Carol Dweck's research can help us know when, and how, and why to push.

Youth lives by personality, age lives by calculation. -- Aristotle on a calendar