My DS has no passion, no task he loves and nothing he will truly work for
Is there really nothing he enjoys at all? What does he do when his time is his own? From my perspective if a kid genuinely doesn't enjoy anything the best way to deal with that is not forcing them to do an activity while they cry and telling them the only way they are allowed to quit is if for an entire month they stop being honest about the fact that they hate it. It seems that could actually have a chilling effect making a child nervous to try new things knowing their cries won' t be listened to and the only escape is to be dishonest about how they feel.
While certainly in adult life we all face stuff we don't enjoy and we find a way to work through it, I don't think we have to wait for adult life for that to happen. Even for the most gifted of kids ANY activity they sent their mind to is going to involve some need to work and find ways to persist through challenges. It isn't just learning the violin. Ordinary childhood play offers plenty of opportunities. I'm talking about stuff like: learning to knit, skateboard jumps, building the biggest lego tower you can, jumprope, building a fort, trying to dam a creek, baking, putting on a play with your friends, finding new ways to torture your sister. Other than electronics what are the childhood activities that involve no opportunities to learn and grow?
Has that changed his attitude in class? Nope. He does the easy stuff happily. When it comes time to learn a new skill he fusses, whimpers, complains that it's too hard and his coach is mean. Tries it, doesn't succeed, tries again and gets a little better. Completes skill with some success and is joyous! Next skill comes up and he's certain he can't do it, pattern begins again.
So, in other words learning more gymnastics skills isn't improving his attitude or his willingness to persist. Just like when he began the class he conceives of himself as a person who can't do things unless forced. He still sees people who teach him as mean (and really not surprising - if somebody ignored me when I was crying I wouldn't trust them or think they were kind either!) So, what exactly is being accomplished? Is the plan forever to force him to do one thing after another until what?
I truly believe this is a bit of perfectionism in him where he's certain he can't do it and is a gigantic failure because of it.
From my perspective force and raising the stakes only make perfectionism worse. Gentle support, promoting accurate self understanding, etc. all work better.
