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I'm wondering though if there is any evidence this can be imposed on a kid from the outside. I have seen how a child can be motivated by a true passion to push themselves out of their comfort zone and to work through frustrations. This experience can help a child grow and over the long term contribute to their success. My question: Does it work to force this experience on a child? Is forced hard work at something the child hates a substitute for chosen hard work at a task a child loves? Does being forced to do something you hate only make hard work seem all the more loathsome?
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I think this is a false dichotomy: either the kid is totally motivated or the kid is pushed to do something he/she hates. There are many nuances in between. As CAMom and others have said, there are kids who would only eat M&Ms and never brush their teeth if not "pushed," or those who need that little nudge, with encouragement and support, to get over a hump doing something they actually love, not hate. It's hard to understand until you had one of these. And it's even harder when you are self-motivated and cannot relate to the many non-achieving but very gifted kids/adults out there. I finished my PhD in 2 years after the dean told me that the fastest student to finish was a guy who was done in 2.5 years, but I could certainly not do it as a woman. And I said "Hm, just watch me!" and that was it. So I understand internal motivation and I do wish my child was like that, it would make life so much easier. My dd, however, has a hard time doing things she knows she is not going to be perfect at. Fortunately, this rarely happens with academics, but we have dropped classes at many gyms, swimming, piano, drums, ballet, art, etc, way before the class time ran out, and wasted many hundreds of dollars because she wanted to take the class, then something would be "too hard" and the coach/teacher would not "push" but at the same time complain that she is not doing the stuff, practicing, whatever. So when I took over some of these things she did great, and yes, I "pushed" by saying come on, one more time, try it again, blah, blah, show you believe in yourself, etc, we'll play water tag after, etc. And yes, I had other parents looking at me weird in the pool and the gym. But dd loved to succeed, and like CAMom's son has been very proud of whatever she achieved. She was invited to join gymnastics and swim teams several times but I said no because frankly, that would have meant more work for me. She wanted to do both and loves sports and is very athletic and talented. Believe me, if I could have gotten away without the "pushing" I would have, it's so much easier to sit on the side and relax while the coach or the teacher does his/her job.
My 2 cents.
Last edited by funnydogsmom; 12/28/10 12:07 PM.
