I'm wondering though if there is any evidence this can be imposed on a kid from the outside. I have seen how a child can be motivated by a true passion to push themselves out of their comfort zone and to work through frustrations. This experience can help a child grow and over the long term contribute to their success. My question: Does it work to force this experience on a child? Is forced hard work at something the child hates a substitute for chosen hard work at a task a child loves? Does being forced to do something you hate only make hard work seem all the more loathsome?
My DS has no passion, no task he loves and nothing he will truly work for. Yes, he's only 7. But he will give up on anything if it poses the slightest challenge so how do you know you love it? He just recently learned to button his pants because it required him to actually try for more than 30 seconds and not quit. He wasn't worried about asking friends to do it for him but it was beginning to draw attention from teachers, as he is grade skipped and they thought it was weird. I "forced" him to learn to do it by taking away TV and books until he spent 20 min practicing with me. He learned how, once he stopped freaking out.
Yet when forced to do something, he has an immense sense of pride! He was beaming with joy when he got his next color up wristband in gymnastics. He told everyone we know that he stuck it out and got his next wristband and how happy he was.
Has that changed his attitude in class? Nope. He does the easy stuff happily. When it comes time to learn a new skill he fusses, whimpers, complains that it's too hard and his coach is mean. Tries it, doesn't succeed, tries again and gets a little better. Completes skill with some success and is joyous! Next skill comes up and he's certain he can't do it, pattern begins again.
I truly believe this is a bit of perfectionism in him where he's certain he can't do it and is a gigantic failure because of it.
Swimming lessons were the same way. I hope to have worked this out of him by the time we get to driving lessons.
