Belle and ABQMom,
I appreciate your insights.
My goal is to allow him to be challenged and to internalize the cause and effect relationship between effort and results so that when he does find his own passions he will be able to pursue them in a manner that will allow him to excel. As I mentioned, I am not a musician and have no dreams of him being one.
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I would first like to give it one more go and identify where we went wrong.
Perhaps you've answered your question - this isn't his passion. Perhaps a better goal forward would be to help him find his passion and then teach him those very valuable lessons when they are applied to something he likes. Otherwise, that isn't the lesson he's going to learn. He's going to learn to NEVER agree to try something new, because if you hate it, you're stuck anyway. He will become less adventurous, less willing to explore new options for fear of the misery that will follow if he finds out he doesn't like it.
One of the best things I've learned in the course of parenting is that not every endeavor is worth finishing and not every battle is worth winning.
I understand your motivation, and it is vital for kids to learn commitment and discipline and perseverence - and all those wonderful character traits one gains from sticking through the rough patches to get to the intended goal.
I did refuse to let my son quit climbing one year and even made him go back and apologize to his coach after he'd quit and stormed out of the gym. Why? Because HE wanted to climb over everything else, but he'd hit a roadblock physically and wanted to quit rather than face the pressure of his coach and of his own fears. He made it past that roadblock and earned a berth at nationals that year and thanked me for not letting him quit.
Quitting something we don't enjoy, when we're talking about extracurricular pursuits or hobbies, is actually a good thing, because it doesn't waste our precious time on something that brings us little reward.
That is very different than quitting something we enjoy because the goal seems to difficult to reach.
Just some thoughts to consider as you decide how to move forward to a better place for you and your son. It's tough, and I feel for you.
