Originally Posted by hip
Parents (stereotypical 'Western parents, perhaps, to return to the WSJ article) who aren't comfortable with the idea that they have more power than their children don't like thinking of it that way, but that's what it is.

Of course we have more power than our kids. We drive the car. We buy the food. We have a lifetime of experience and knowledge our kids don't have. At least at first we are much bigger than our kids and on it goes.

The fact that we have more power is precisely why we should have discretion about how to use it and precisely why we should be sensitive to the condition in which our motivation or will is acting as a substitute for the child developing internal resources.

One question to ponder - what do you think would have happened if you hadn't threatened and forced your son to put his face in the pool that day. Do you think he wouldn't have learned to do so for another week, for a month, for a year, never? Do you believe he would be "crippled" without you?

I can think of quite a few gifted kids I know who have taken their time with tasks. They may prefer to watch for a very long period of time and wait until the day they are ready to do the activity well with little stress. The parent who forces the child may conclude "aha, if not for me they would never do it" but of course we don't know that it is true. The child may well have done it the next day and felt even prouder of their accomplishment knowing they owned it entirely.