From the way you are describing him now a realistic self image might be something like "I'm smart but lazy and fearful. Mostly I just watch TV and play video games. I don't do a lot and the few things I accomplish I only do after crying and having them forced on me." While that might be realistic I'm not really thinking that you want him thinking that about himself. So, are you saying the problem is that right now he thinks he's good at everything and this will show him he's not? Or that he thinks he's good at nothing and this will show him that he is?
PTP- I find your take on all of this very interesting. Do you not require certain things of your kids? Mine is expected to do certain things- try new foods when presented, use polite manners at the table, be a part of the team and do chores at home, keep his commitments, brush his teeth, change his underwear, give to charity etc.
Right now, his self image very black and white that he is either perfect or terrible at every single thing. Even as a tiny baby we saw hints of this. He never crawled, he never even toddled. He just got up and literally ran across the room. He spoke the same way, a bit of a late talker but spoke in paragraphs instead of words.
He did far better last year with a better academic situation, a nurturing teacher who knew when to push and when to fall back and was willing to dabble a little in new things and see what would happen. But he would shut down quickly with any hint of criticism, critique or "how about you try...."
He wanted to play baseball and begged us to sign him up. He wanted to quit after the first game because he was the only one who didn't get one hit. I told him he needed to finish the season because he made a commitment to the team. Would you have let him quit?
He is getting better at changing the message in his head. I will hear him say to himself "I just have to practice, I just have to practice" under his breath when he is faced with something new. We went bowling yesterday for the first time- his idea. He threw one ball, fell to the floor crying and insisted he was incapable. I stood next to him, showed him how to move his hand and helped him, all while he cried and told me he'd never hit a pin. The crying and freaking only lasted 2 more attempts. He played two games, doubled his score the second time and was thrilled. In the car he said "I just have to practice!" Should I have let him give up after one attempt simply because he was upset and didn't want to try again?
Electronics are easy to blame, sure. But we have a no TV and no computer during school week rule in our house. So that doesn't really address the problem or provide an easy out to it. We play hours of board games, read aloud, bake, play with the dogs, ride bikes, build Lego etc. That doesn't mean he has a passion for any of those things.
Sorry for the thread hijack to the OP!
