Jane,
I understand your desire to have your child do something challenging. Piano is the only challenge my son ever gets. School is ridiculously!! easy for him, he has 3-5 minutes of homework 4 days a week, is the "star" of his soccer team, can accurately throw a spiral about 20-25 yards, and is friendly and sociable (even though not necessarily "popular"). Life is great for him, and he is kind, sweet and funny- everything a parent could hope for.
But what happens to him the day he hits the wall and finds that not all math is intuitive and he just might have to spend more than 2 seconds on a problem? What happens when he gets passed over as the starter on his soccer or baseball teams? How is my son ever going to learn to deal with challenge and failure if he never gets a chance to experience those emotions in a safe environment?
I could be wrong since I haven't read this entire thread yet, but in reading your early posts you seem to have the same fears for your son. I think you're approaching this problem from a good place, but you may be too close to it to see a solution.
My son also likes to play the piano but hates to practice. I don't force him. He knows what his teacher expects and it is his responsibility (even at age 6) to see that he practices enough. We have had a talk in which my husband and I explained to him that he does not need to waste either his or his teacher's time or disrespect her, which is what a lesson is for a week in which he hasn't practiced enough. He doesn�t always practice the required time, but that�s his problem, not ours. He is the one who has to face his teacher�s disapproval and/or disappointment. He is the one who knows that he could have done better if he�d practiced. He owns that, not us. Other than paying for them and oohing and ahhing over his playing, my husband and I have nothing to do with his lessons.
He practices in strange ways, just like your son. Sometimes he practices what�s been assigned, slower or faster than the proper tempo, sometimes he jumps ahead to different songs he likes better, and sometimes he makes up his own. His teacher is fairly laid back and allows him these freedoms. She assigns 2 songs for the end of year recital that he must play/practice, but other than that she allows him a good deal of leeway. For her, it�s really about him learning to read music and fingering.
I say all that to get to this- you might need to just remove yourself from the situation and let your son succeed or fail on his own. It sounds as though he enjoys music, but he might resent your (real or perceived) intrusions into his lessons and playing. Your son might have his own ideas about how a piece should be played or interpreted, so let him do it his way- not what is considered the �right� way. After all, Picasso didn�t exactly paint the �right� way, either.
It sounds too much like your situation is becoming a battle of wills that your son wants to win. If you step back and out, the battle is over without any serious bloodletting!
I would also talk to him to see if there is an issue with his teacher. She might be a wonderful teacher, but perhaps they just don�t click. It might be as simple as that, you never know.
Also, we�ve told our son that he can switch to another instrument in a few years. He really wants to play the guitar or trumpet, and we�ve told him he can do that when he�s a little older. We explained (and he understood) how the piano is considered the foundation instrument, and that even the things he is learning now will/should make it that much easier for him to play the guitar, trumpet, violin or any other instrument he desires. Perhaps if your son knows that you are willing to permit him to switch once he gets the basics down on the piano, he will work that much harder to �master� this instrument in order to move on to the one he really desires.
I also think I understand what you mean by serious extracurriculars. If my son had his way, he would do nothing but play ball and computer games. For a child who used to feed on workbooks and books, it�s a definite 180. He now doesn�t want to do workbooks because he doesn�t want to get even further ahead in school, but he still doesn�t have to put any effort into school either. Piano has been a wonderful way for him to have to actually work at something in order to be very good at it. Without piano or some other musical instrument, my child would be sailing through life with absolutely no effort. I know, I know- he�s only 6. But I�d still rather him learn now that effort is required in life rather than when he�s failing something for the first time at age 20.
I�ve already written enough, but I just wanted to say this as well. If you try all these things suggested here and nothing gets better, then perhaps it is time to take a break from the piano for a while. He�s only 8, and there are other activities where he can hopefully get the self discipline you seem to be searching for. I know most people don�t think of dance for boys, but it also involves music and teaches incredible self discipline. Just a thought.
Sorry this is so long!
