Thank you for the advice re: math tutors. It is very helpful.
We learned a few things at the GP's office today.
Most of them weren't things about my daughter... but anyway.
This is the GP that, if asked about my DD (a patient for over a decade at this point) and her IQ, would only be able to hazard a guess at "above average, probably." So we've known for a long time that he isn't much of a believer in LOG or anything else that makes a child need something "different" in the way of education. He's not much of a fan of HSing, either. Whatever.
He started by asking DD (5'1" and 85lbs, down from 93 lb in Dec) about her eating habits, food preferences, etc, and then about general activities, enjoyment of activities, etc. All fine.
Until we got to "school." Yeah, she's not too happy that she recently TANKED a geometry exam... kinda hard class, since she doesn't really know how to study. Oh, I knew we were in trouble when he raised both eyebrows after she told him she was in high school classes.
"What's your HURRY?!!" he asked... and then proceeded to regale her for over ten minutes with how kids, especially smart kids, shouldn't be in such a hurry to get through school too fast, because, well, after that there's just college, and then what comes after college? W.O.R.K. And boy, THEN the fun stops...
He also introduced anecdotes about how all the people he meets... apparently ALL of them recall their "best" times as
high school and college years. (Yeah, I'm thinking he needs to get out more, too... because he sure as heck hasn't asked ME that question...) After that, it's all downhill, I guess.
DD frostily interrupted his monologue at this point to crisply note that SHE is hoping to find that some chosen pursuits
are their OWN rewards... IE, 'fun' on some level. And that perhaps, just maybe, being smart would give her an edge in doing something meaningful like that. He SNORTED at her and pointed out that he was plenty smart-- after all, smart enough to be a doctor... (Yes, I bit my tongue there. HARD. I was dying to use a favorite joke among science professors.... but didn't.) But that he was plenty happy just to skate along even in pretty boring and repetitive classes, just being thrilled that he could get his A in half the time and use the rest for... FUN!
Besides, he continued... do you actually
know any _____ (DD's current chosen career aspirations-- attorney and 'scientist of some kind' are currently on the list)?? Well?? Because those people will tell you that most of what they do is pretty boring and repetitive. (He literally wouldn't let her get a word in edgewise here.) Gee, thanks for ripping apart my 11yo's very realistic career aspirations, WHICH, I might add, suit her natural tendencies well
and are not too narrow given her age and academic placement.
<thud-thud-thud> <--- inside, at least, the sound of my head hitting the exam table.
She was too stunned to do anything but blink at him.
He took that as a signal to continue, apparently. After that, he pointed out that he knew a whole bunch of "smart" people like himself who DELIGHTED in those college years, and he "knew this one girl who went to college at 15" (she was in a big hurry too, I guess) and she could handle the material just fine, but apparently she was MISERABLE since she didn't fit in socially. Ohhh, yes, so sad. Moral is-- be a slacker as long as you can, you'll be in the harness with the other oxen soon enough.
___________________________________
Yeah. Not too thrilled with
Dr. Feelgood, there, at the moment.
Is it even POSSIBLE to have said anything WORSE than this to a radically accelerated PG child who is very obviously in a CRISIS of existential depression??
I wanted to SMACK him. I think it is mark of the truly exceptional social skills possessed by the HG+ people in that room that oen of us didn't snidely say, "Wow. You have optimal intelligence. That's great for you, but, um...
that isn't the child I have to raise. Thanks," and that the other one didn't (though I could tell it crossed her mind fleetingly) mention, "It sounds as though you could have used some of that "fun" time for a little more introspection on careers that might have provided you with more personal meaning."
I did finally interrupt him to (tersely, I'm sure) point out that if she WOULD 'just do' sixth grade,
that is where the school would have her PLACED. He quickly back-pedaled and said, that no, no, no-- he wasn't really saying that her placement was all wrong or that we were PUSHING her too hard... his point was apparently
about PERFECTIONISM.Well, okay then. I must have missed that part. Because the "lighten up" message was kind of getting buried in the "you're too young to be in high school" and "it's all downhill from here" parts of things. UGH. Unbelievable.
On the bright side, we DID get a psych referral to a specialist in EDs. Who knows whether or not she knows a darned THING about HG children or adolescents, or anything at all about my DD's disability. But if she tweaks disability management, at least I won't be alone in my desire to shake some sense into her. DD's specialist physician will want to be FIRST in that line.
I asked DD after the appointment, "So what did you think of what Dr. {Feelgood} was saying in there?"
She said that she just plain doesn't think he understands that repetition and being told to do work over and over and over again is just intolerable, and that challenge and learning NEW stuff
is fun. She also mentioned somewhat tentatively that she thinks he might not be right about waiting until college to learn "real" study skills via being challenged. (good girl!!!) But that she thinks he might have a point about having more social stuff going on. We just have to have a way to fit it in. She's got a LOT of extracurricular stuff going on, and she won't give any of it up. It
all matters to her, and even trying to 'rank' them in priority order is hard, because they shift around. (Fair enough.)
When I asked her specifically about social fit and peers, she responded:
"Well, with kids 13 and 14, if I can get them to GIVE me that first chance-- you know, sometimes they don't, because they assume that I'm too little-- but if they give me a chance, or don't KNOW how young I am, they seem to like me better and better as they get to know me. With kids 10-11 years old, they like me really well at first. But they like me less and less the more they get to know me." (she was just thoughtful as she said that, so I asked her why she thought that was so)
"I think that when I start to get to know them, I mention books and ideas and jokes and stuff that they've never even heard of. It makes me seem weirder and weirder. But the older kids, some of them 'get' me, and even the ones that don't at least know kind of what I'm talking about a lot of the time. So not as weird."
I'm thinking that if the doctor hadn't been so determined to tell her how miserable a 15 yo college student will be, he might have learned something FROM HER. Bleh. Maybe the psych consult was to fix whatever he accomplished with his little pep talk, or something.
I'm thinking he's probably not a fan of radical acceleration. Good thing his opinion isn't the one that mattered.
