There is a book about perfectionism...

Is it this the one?
http://www.amazon.com/Freeing-Families-Perfectionism-Thomas-Greenspon/dp/1575421038
(sorry, maybe someone else will remember...)


I think it would do you well to keep having those conversations with your DD. Does she feel that she figured this out herself or does she recall that this was impressed upon her at one point (re: 100% = success)? Does she remember when she first started believing this and why?
- Could she imagine the world being not quite like that?

Also, I think your DD is getting "imposter syndrome"

I think also it would be good for your DD to know that Almost All gifted children and adults struggle with perfectionism and imposter syndrome. Many women definitely do.

For you to review (not necessarily for your DD directly):
http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/ADJ/gtadultart.htm
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/imposter.htm

That she isn't alone in the "strong" intense feelings that she may have. That others have had these feelings, etc etc. smile

Howler, have you shared with your DD about yourself growing up? I'm wondering ... would your DD like to be understood? Would she like to know why she feels what she feels? Sometimes knowing why we feel what we feel can set us partially free. We feel what we feel - there is no right or wrong to it.

Sorry not so helpful here.
But wishing you and your family well.