It's a second type of Goldilocks effect for her, and it's tied to the fact that her disability makes her fairly vulnerable to the choices of others. The virtual schooling DOES remove that from the equation.
I'm wondering... is removing that from the equation entirely actually a good thing at this point in her life? It sounds like the virtual school is removing a lot of possibility for growth. If the stakes are so big she can't be allowed to feel the consequences of her behavior in the form of failing a class that's really missing out on important learning opportunities.
I'd say it is a rare HG or PG kid that finds one school solution works for their most or all of their school career. I think that's one of the most frustrating thing about parenting gifted kids is that you have to be ever open to the possibility of change.
For what it is worth, I've known a few preteens who were very happy and successful with homeschooling or virtual schooling when they were younger, but then became really discontent as they hit the preteen and early teen years. They got lonely. They needed to stretch their wings to more in real life academic situations. They needed more trusted mentors and friends. Of course, kids may not have the clarity to realize this and explain it to their parents... they just deteriorate and hope we figure it out. I understand that other options may not always be possible, but when you are seeing such a meltdown I'm wondering if there are any other possible options at this point. One gentle transition might be to move away from full time virtual school to a homeschooling that includes some higher quality online component (as in courses with stuff other than a bunch of multiple choice courses) as well as bringing in more tutors or mentors.
