PTP, thank you for being honest.
This is a message that I have a hard time hearing. I'm very sensitive to assertions of "oversheltering" or "helicopter" parenting, because that is what our vigilance can look like; coupled with the natural assumptions that a lot of people make re: hothousing of GT kids, and it's probably obvious why I often hear "enmeshment" when someone says "stretch their wings". (Enmeshment = categorically untrue.)
Just to be perfectly clear, I didn't say or imply enmeshment or helicopter parenting. I can't imagine saying that to anyone and especially not to someone I don't even know.
When I say "stretch their wings" I'm talking about something I've seen with plenty of preteens and teens in happy functional families. The desire for kids to have more contact outside of the family and to have more academic experiences with other teachers and mentors is a really normal thing. And, isn't that what we hope for our kids that they will feel capable and desiring of new experiences? I understand you are facing medical issues, that make that transition more complicated. But, the desire to "stretch wings" and having more contact with other people is not evidence that you are too enmeshed or have done something wrong. Instead it is just a sign that while some stuff may not be "normal" there is other stuff that is normal.
We are examining whether or not we could afford to transition to homeschooling with some higher quality distance components (local colleges offer some on-line coursework and some hybrid courses, and of course there are EPGY offerings).
There are quite a few good options out there.
http://www.lukeion.org/ http://www.artofproblemsolving.com/Also, I agree with the suggestion to look at grad students or other in real life tutors. Those relationships might go a long way to helping with the lonely part of the equation. And, also, I suspect like a lot of homeschool parents before you it would be the case that she would be more motivated and willing to push herself to deal with some of the challenging stuff like perfectionism.
We will have to choose carefully, and hope that the person understands that we really aren't kidding about DD's disability.
There are a lot out good people in the world who really enjoy working with capable students. I bet it won't be hard to find someone.
DD is very resistant to seeing a therapist; she positively BRISTLED at the very idea and informed me that she didn't want some head-shrinker telling her "that I'm messed up or defective." <sigh> We clearly have our work cut out for us.
For what it is worth, every teenager I've heard of who complained that they'd never talk to a therapist ended up finding it helpful once they got with somebody good.
