<sniff-sniff>
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
I dread talking about this to anyone because it always seems to eventually turn into some kind of blame game involving how DD is obviously not "ready" for the demands "we" have placed on her...
and kcab, your points went straight to my heart. This is exactly why we opted to stop homeschooling in the first place when she was just six-- because DD is pretty resistant to direct instruction from anyone she has an emotionally intimate relationship with. Unfortunately, she's now known her piano teacher long enough that the poor woman seems to have been admitted into DD's inner circle. (Which often seems to amount to one of Dante's circles of hell, fwiw...) Anyone that she does NOT have that kind of relationship with, on the other hand, she may have trust issues with initially. It's a second type of Goldilocks effect for her, and it's tied to the fact that her disability makes her fairly vulnerable to the choices of others. The virtual schooling DOES remove that from the equation.
But I think what another poster said about amount of output is correct. Her disappointment with high school is that it got worse on BOTH fronts-- that is, "more" was required of her... but "less" is, as well, since the courses are actually LESS differentiated, and she's lost touch with the posse of GT kids she used to "run" with in school by virtue of following a 'slower' path through the high school curriculum. (She's out of synch with them now since they took "9th" grade classes this year, and she is off the beaten track a bit.)
I understand the confusion about virtual schooling. Her school days are a bit like a college students', if that helps; that is, she has set class times (net-meetings, synchronous distance class sessions run by the teachers) during the week, and then she completes the class 'work/assignments' outside of that time. This is why there both IS and IS NOT a 'schedule' for completing schoolwork. When it is working in terms of academic fit, it's almost ideal for a PG kid, because they can naturally 'sprint-rest-sprint' through the year as long as they attend class regularly. When it isn't working, however, it's as though you're in free fall with no parachute. The bottom line is that for most kids, "letting them fail" works fine-- because if they don't turn in their homework with everyone else when it is due, bad things happen. If DD doesn't turn in HER work, she just leaves the lesson incomplete. Nothing 'bad' happens, and in most cases, the teachers don't really care. It's only at the end of the marking period that it becomes "a problem." The only way to let her experience the consequences of her actions is for her to literally see what happens when half a term's worth of assignments become zeros in a gradebook overnight, turning a course grade to an F on her high school transcripts. Naturally, we think that this is unlikely to convey the lesson in a way that an 11 yo can 'hear' much less cope with, since the consequence is so removed in time from the behavior itself.
ETA: Hmmm... now that I think about it, though, this may well explain why she's so willing to go that route, in spite of our hectoring/badgering. Avoidance gives an immediate reward (not doing something unpleasant, avoiding possible 'failure') with a nebulous, if severe, punishment looming in the mists of time... compliance risks immediate 'punishment' or disappointment re: perfectionism.
DH and I both agree that high school, for her, has been rather like what an adult would experience if EVERY day on the job were "training" day... day... after... agonizing... day... of... training... workshops. Most of us have had to sit through as much as a week or so of those, and it does rob you of all motivation and leave you an irritable mess. School is absolutely part of the problem, and it is contributing mightily to both perfectionism and to existential depression. In talking calmly with DD last night, I truly feel that she is experiencing problems in both areas.
On the other hand, task tolerance is a HUGE issue for DD and always has been. She's definitely a perfectionist with "quitter" tendencies. She does NOT push herself. She never has. So parenting-wise, we've been approaching things as Val indicates.
We've wondered about SAD for years because of the seemingly seasonal nature of this phenomenon, but it's impossible to really separate that (for us) from the cycle of the academic school year.
We have an appointment with our GP tomorrow, and hopefully we can get a referral to someone who can actually offer her some help, or at least help us get to the bottom of things if there is an underlying medical cause (and that is a possibility, and a worrying one).
Again, thank you. This is more genuine help than we have ever had, and I really can't put into words how grateful I am.
Last edited by HowlerKarma; 03/09/11 11:24 AM. Reason: adding insight
