That is the trick. smile

This all looked a lot different when it wasn't personal, for sure.

It's hard to remain sanguine about it when you know that your choices, even as the parent of a PG kid, are to "push-parent maybe to a level which isn't healthy for your own child" (in other words, to play the game, since you have a lot of raw talent to work with, should be successful, right?) or to let your child follow his/her OWN natural trajectory, using him/her as a guide to what you should be doing for them educationally and as children...

but knowing in the back of your mind that because of the arms race thing, you're probably making sure that they are destined to look "great-- like all the rest."

That's not really reflective of ability, and it does rankle to be faced with those two choices-- play the game, or look average because everyone else is willing to go there.

We've been burned repeatedly by refusing to pad DD's resume when she applies for awards, etc. We know that those who are winning are doing so by being less scrupulous/ethical about it. We know-- because we know the kids and the parents involved, and we in some cases are even familiar with their vitae. Let's just say that a lot of what is on JUNIOR's vitae actually belongs on mom or dad's.

Science fair projects-- oh my lord. It's no wonder that DD's acid rain and demineralization project conducted independently at 10yo didn't raise any eyebrows-- because it was ASSUMED that she wasn't the one doing the experimental design and analysis work. It was "par for the course" unless you stopped and thought about the fact that she really DID do it herself. THEN, it becomes amazing.

IF we played the game the way other parents around are doing, we'd have a kid who looked amazing in several ways. But we don't. If I volunteer to help her school, or to do something for one of her youth activities, it doesn't go on HER vita. But I'm very obviously in the minority. So much so that other people who work with youth have even commented on it to us-- that they WISH that there were a way to make it clearer to those handing out scholarships and awards that our DD is... authentic, heartfelt, and honest in her achievements on paper and off. We are hard-core and old-school this way. There's a right way to raise kids, IOO, and teaching them to exaggerate and obfuscate to make themselves look better ought to have no place in it.

It makes me mad as heck that this kind of thing is apparently a detriment to gaining opportunities these days. It also makes me pretty sad as a citizen that we're selecting for people who seem to be ethically... adventurous. Worse, a fair number of them genuinely fail to appreciate that there is any difference between the two practices. (That one I find seriously horrifying.)








Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.