She's tried to run away several times, and she's having meltdowns. ...She has major overexcitabilities, sensory issues, and asynchronies....I had her evaluated by a developmental psychologist who emphatically said that she does not have any kind of developmental disorder like asperger's, just exceptional giftedness."
Do you mind if I ask on what grounds they ruled out developmental disorders? Your DD sounds very like mine in kindergarten. He had meltdowns routinely, difficulty following classroom routines, couldn't sit for circle time. It was a very tough run. We were told for years that he was "bright but quirky"-- turned out, gifted with Asperger's.
Girls with Asperger's are typically under-diagnosed; they usually try hard to be sociable, and their fantasy play is more typical looking than what the boys do (lining up objects), so they "pass," but their issues can be as disabling, since girls have to have such finely tuned social radar to succeed.
In May, she had huge self-esteem, but this summer started saying things like, "I want the universe to go away!" "I hate myself", "I want to get killed!" (We have an appointment with a child psychiatrist, but it's not until Sept 2).
Do keep that appointment. This is something to take very seriously.
My DS had serious self-esteem problems because he was doing so poorly in school; he thought it was all his fault. Learning he had AS was a huge step in a good direction for him, because it's not his fault.
she's so independent and non-conformist; she just wants to do her own thing. The children were supposed to line up at the end of recess, and she wouldn't do it so all the children started chanting her name for her to climb down from the play structure.
Won't, or can't comply with instructions? How is she on following multi-step directions at home?
I realize Montessori can be problematic for some gifted kids, but it's our only viable option as they don't have a gifted school or self-contained gifted classes in our area.
FWIW Montessori doesn't work well for most kids with Asperger's either-- they are not self-directed learners except in areas that interest them intensely. I think you should try to figure out what's up before switching schools. If there's a disability, public school will have resources private school will not likely provide.
I feel horrible, ashamed, and embarrassed ...
Don't. No matter what it is, it's the hand she's dealt, and it's your job to help her master the challenges that come with that hand. She needs you to stay calm and positive and look for solutions that help her manage herself better.
(I know, having a kid like this can be very isolating for you. But don't let it happen. Find a few understanding allies.)
In your shoes I'd ask the school for a multi-factored evaluation, listing everything she's having trouble with and getting the kindergarten teacher to do the same, and see what they come up with. As well as keeping that appt. with the private psych.
DeeDee
