Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Testing anxiety... for the parent!

Thanks to all those that responded. I agree, I was not impressed by the testers empty threat - and he did test with an assistant, not the doctor intitially. We have had to work so hard on discipline and "empty threats" due to the ODD and him constantly arguing with adults and not taking things seriously the first time they are said. Most annoying when other adults merely reinforce a child's power to misbehave!

Thanks Dottie for some very much needed perspective. I guess what makes me less nervous and upset about this whole testing thing is that I'm really okay if my kid is not gifted and just bright, intelligent or even Plain happy. I think as parents we need to remember that happiness is probably the one goal we should be focused on. Behavior wise, I feel my biggest responsibilty outside of developing his intellect is working on character, and if ADHD and ODD is making that worse - that's probably the #1 priority, or a 50/50 with his other learning. Learning is super important to me(!)

The only thing that leads me to suspect that he may be gifted regardless of the enviroment that was provided around him as a baby/toddler is that several gifted teachers told me he was before he was 2 - by just observing him in restaurants - and having nothing to compare him with - I went out of my not to hot house him and even went into complete "fed-Up-ness" /denial "with it all" most of his age 4-5 year in Church School. I also didn't pursue "pushing" him because I figured he'd be ahead in K as most Montessori kids are and could predict it leading to problems.

I'm not sure now that denial/holding back was a good thing - as now I see how much he on the one hand seems capable of - and on the other hand, has not yet been taught and therefore would have no clue how to complete on your average test. I try to remember every day however, that he is also a child - and should have fun! I also see how much of my own childhood was spent in WASTED HOURS at a crummy school - but it took me till my teen years to really WISH that something had been doneabout it and to wonder what I could have achieved. Those are thoughts no adult should have - REGRET!!

The doctor actually commented that espeically in Math there were problems DS6 had probably never been exposed too that he might otherwise have performed on. Herein lies the dilemma I think all of us parents face regarding teaching kids oursleves and/or hothousing especially befrre testing. (And don't get me wrong - I do realise the negative side to hot housing and placing a child where they natuarlly would not ultiamtley excel -but it's tempting isn't it ?!)

I didn't hot house DS6 on Brigance and he only came out 70%s or so - which school tried to use against us at one point. I didn't hot house him for ihs October reading - and he came out 98% on the basic Kindergarten score by himself. I didn't hot house on Math - though we did start 2nd and 3rd grade book with super heroes that caught his natural attnetion - and he started making patterns in class by himself. He is not Little Man Tate however!

We provided the leap frog ball, the tv subtitles and Montessori school hopefully taught him extra phonics....but that didn't mean he had to play with the leap frog ball obessing over it for hours at a time ...or pay attention to the subtitles...etc.

I believe DazedandConfused or someone else was having this "am I too focused on giftedness" issue a few weeks ago! - and wasn't sure how much time to spend buying extra books, or encouraging extra learning -which is why I mention this here. It's one of those tricky issues where it's hard to know if you're doing the right thing. I too started buying a couple of things I may not have bought - like an entire phonics set we didn't even end up needing /using (!) because he beat us to it learning ot read himself!!

Now I've slowed down realising if I'm not there to use the extra things - what's the point. DS6 has he's own "obessions"/phases. Best to go with his flow!

End of the day - I just want DS6 to be challenged, reach his potential and be a happy productive person with a career he enjoys. Of course, with school the way it is, still not sure I'll ever have confidence in the "system" to get him there.

In many other ways I'm relieved if he is "normal". I think it's a huge challenge and responsiblity to have a profoundly gifted kid, just as it is a profoundly disabled/challenged one. If I'm somewhere in the middle - it suits me just fine!