Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Testing anxiety... for the parent!

Giftedticcyhyper,

Ok, I just made an appointment for DS7 to take the achievement test in April. I am really getting nervous after reading your post.

Thanks to all those that responded. I agree, I was not impressed by the testers empty threat - and he did test with an assistant, not the doctor intitially. We have had to work so hard on discipline and "empty threats" due to the ODD and him constantly arguing with adults and not taking things seriously the first time they are said. Most annoying when other adults merely reinforce a child's power to misbehave!

Thanks Dottie for some very much needed perspective. I guess what makes me less nervous and upset about this whole testing thing is that I'm really okay if my kid is not gifted and just bright, intelligent or even Plain happy. I think as parents we need to remember that happiness is probably the one goal we should be focused on. Behavior wise, I feel my biggest responsibilty outside of developing his intellect is working on character, and if ADHD and ODD is making that worse - that's probably the #1 priority, or a 50/50 with his other learning. Learning is super important to me(!)

The only thing that leads me to suspect that he may be gifted regardless of the enviroment that was provided around him as a baby/toddler is that several gifted teachers told me he was before he was 2 - by just observing him in restaurants - and having nothing to compare him with - I went out of my not to hot house him and even went into complete "fed-Up-ness" /denial "with it all" most of his age 4-5 year in Church School. I also didn't pursue "pushing" him because I figured he'd be ahead in K as most Montessori kids are and could predict it leading to problems.

I'm not sure now that denial/holding back was a good thing - as now I see how much he on the one hand seems capable of - and on the other hand, has not yet been taught and therefore would have no clue how to complete on your average test. I try to remember every day however, that he is also a child - and should have fun! I also see how much of my own childhood was spent in WASTED HOURS at a crummy school - but it took me till my teen years to really WISH that something had been doneabout it and to wonder what I could have achieved. Those are thoughts no adult should have - REGRET!!

The doctor actually commented that espeically in Math there were problems DS6 had probably never been exposed too that he might otherwise have performed on. Herein lies the dilemma I think all of us parents face regarding teaching kids oursleves and/or hothousing especially befrre testing. (And don't get me wrong - I do realise the negative side to hot housing and placing a child where they natuarlly would not ultiamtley excel -but it's tempting isn't it ?!)

I didn't hot house DS6 on Brigance and he only came out 70%s or so - which school tried to use against us at one point. I didn't hot house him for ihs October reading - and he came out 98% on the basic Kindergarten score by himself. I didn't hot house on Math - though we did start 2nd and 3rd grade book with super heroes that caught his natural attnetion - and he started making patterns in class by himself. He is not Little Man Tate however!

We provided the leap frog ball, the tv subtitles and Montessori school hopefully taught him extra phonics....but that didn't mean he had to play with the leap frog ball obessing over it for hours at a time ...or pay attention to the subtitles...etc.

I believe DazedandConfused or someone else was having this "am I too focused on giftedness" issue a few weeks ago! - and wasn't sure how much time to spend buying extra books, or encouraging extra learning -which is why I mention this here. It's one of those tricky issues where it's hard to know if you're doing the right thing. I too started buying a couple of things I may not have bought - like an entire phonics set we didn't even end up needing /using (!) because he beat us to it learning ot read himself!!

Now I've slowed down realising if I'm not there to use the extra things - what's the point. DS6 has he's own "obessions"/phases. Best to go with his flow!

End of the day - I just want DS6 to be challenged, reach his potential and be a happy productive person with a career he enjoys. Of course, with school the way it is, still not sure I'll ever have confidence in the "system" to get him there.

In many other ways I'm relieved if he is "normal". I think it's a huge challenge and responsiblity to have a profoundly gifted kid, just as it is a profoundly disabled/challenged one. If I'm somewhere in the middle - it suits me just fine!

To giftediccyhyper - thanks for your questions. i answered them under the 2E Threat as new topic - as felt that was more appropriate.

Good luck with your tests!

Okay there was a lot more I could have quoted, but that will have to do. Just wanted to say I agree. Happiness really is the most important. Of course we want to meet our children's educational needs in order for them to be happy, but I do agree sometimes there is too much focus on giftedness on my end as well. I am of the "go with the flow" philosophy as well. We provide opporunities, but not training. I haven't "taught" my child much of anything unless he asks me specifically. I think if they are interested in things they will ask more. I do think that they need to be exposed to things that may make them start thinking, but I am sure that my son would thrive more if he was exposed more. Isn't that always how it works. And no regrets here so far in that area.

I remember reading books and praying that my child was a mildly to moderately gifted kid so life would be easier on everyone. I hate to admit it, but that's true. So if my son's results don't end up all that high, I am not concerned. I just want them to be as accurate as possible so that he can get the support and help that I perceive he will need.

Good luck to you!

IronMom - great remarks, sorry there is so much conflicting info for you right now. The tester sounded lousy.
We are in a pickle w/Ds8 testing above avg/not gt to very low on some recent screening, and I have pondered long and hard about whether to go forward with something additional. Finally we are going for it, for better or worse. I think with the tester we have found I will have some definite peace of mind knowing that the scores will be fairly accurate (barring illness, etc.)
We met with him for a couple of hours yesterday and will bring ds in for a couple days very soon.

We are trying to focus primarily on ds' happiness too; he seems *way* happier in his present gt setting, and these latest lower scores are a threat to that balance we've finally found after a couple years of real fear for this cheerful little guy. THe school would even likely do more testing, too, in another 6-8 months, however I don't want to put the stress on ds nor risk getting a less than ideal testing scenario. If he's not able to stay/get into this program, so be it, but I would not feel good about leaving things entirely in the hands of the school - considering how miserable he was before. He hated most of 1st and 2nd and the wondering and waiting to get into the first program was not a very happy time for him.

Somehow, having committed to going forward with testing, the major testing anxiety has pretty well evaporated.

Honestly at this point - I am feeling guilt regardless. The problem is - if you don't expose/ teach and not ncessarily hot house - but just teach ...will you ever really know what potential was lost v. what could have been gained?

I'm in agony at times deciding on whether to homeschool or not. What's being wasted right now is my big question? The ridiculous amount of time and energy we spend negotiating at public school - that could have gone into home schooling and coalitions investigation. Private schools here - like I think elsewhere are time consuming to research but I hear they will not accelerate the gifted kids iether as they tend to only take in 90th percentile kids and then try to "even them all out".

We have a Waldorf school - I've yet to fully investigate. I know one mother chose it because her 10 yr old had alreayd gone to college and she wanted him to just be a child and learn something different.

If the IQ was higher, I guess I'd feel more "enlightened" to do something for my child at home - though I've more ore less determined to supplment regular school with Susan Wise Bauer etc. type curriculum. I studied classics - so that approach suits me and also will hep me complete my own gaps in education. If DS6 has an "obession" we bend it - and try to make it spread over several "subject areas" - that seems sensible.

But what a hard decision - even with the 90th percentile scores on Woodcock Johnson. I ask myself am I being a fool to hesitate to pull him out?

I will admit that I don't know my child's full potential yet, I also know that he is so much more advanced than I am that I wouldn't even know where to begin to tap into it. So I just let him take the lead. We use books and other things which teach him. We use computers to find out more information about things. It's not as if he isn't learning, but I am not using a curriculum. That is not hothousing, and in a way is teaching based on their lead. That is what I find works best with us.

Regardless of what percentile your child is, you know them best. If your school system truly is not working and your child is not happy there...and if you have already been trying to work with them and they are completely unwilling to budge and provide the support he needs....then I think as a parent you have to be willing to try other things. Only you know what is best for him.

And don't ask what those things are other than homeschooling because I don't know yet, LOL. For us DS is just starting this exciting process in the fall. We can't afford private school at this point...but haven't completely ruled it out. I don't want to do homeschooling for many reasons, primarily because I work full time. We don't have gifted programs in our district even if he is...so that should be fun. But I am hoping they will still provide services for him that can help him enjoy school and be successful. I am ready for a full lifetime advocacy position. But I guess I am also feeling that I want the school to recognize that students like this exist and it is there job to educate them (yes, I know I am young and naive and know it doesn't always happen like that but I am persistent and feel I can make it happen).

Shell,

Every time you post, I laugh. Your DS sounds sooo much like mine. The hardest part of h/s the first year for me was that it was almost impossible to keep up. In desperation, I signed him up on time4learning just so that I could have a few minutes of peace!!

I've already considered that with multiple grade skips etc, in a few years we may have to return to H/S. But when it happens it will be with the aid of tutors etc. DS6 is in pre algebra now, two years, I'm done, I admit it!

I also remember my test anxiety very well. I'm not known for my patience in those situations. The tester gave me clues, clues like "he insisted on building his patterns upside down, so the orientation would be to me, curious". When sitting on pins already, that type of comment doesn't spark any sort of relief! So, hang in there. Step one is almost over and you still have to climb the Parthenon!

Hi,

We finally met with the psychologist who did our son's testing yesterday, as well as one of her associates. The meeting went very well. Our son (age 5) did extremely well on both the IQ and achievement test. I think he may even be eligible for DYS, but I'm not sure. His full scale score on the IQ test was a few points shy of what DYS requires, but I think he might be above what DYS requires on Verbal or Performance (does anyone know if he is above in just one of those categories if he would be eligible?) I know it sounds crazy, but I didn't even bother to ask for all of the detailed numbers, we'll be getting the detailed report in a few weeks so that's when I plan on really digesting all that information. What was more important to me was something Shellymos mentioned:

"I also know that he is so much more advanced than I am that I wouldn't even know where to begin to tap into it."

That was exactly how my husband and I felt about our son - we knew he was advanced, the testing proved it, but now what? The absolutely most WONDERFUL thing that we got out of our testing was a plan of action. Our psychologist strongly recommended that our son skip kindergarten and go directly to 1st grade, and then they even gave us advice on how to try this (including the arguments that they thought might be used against us as we advocated, and ways we can try to address these arguments). My husband and I are so blessed to have this information; it gave us the guidance we need to now "tap" into our son's talents. We know the advocacy process is only starting, and it's scary, seeing what so many people are up against when we read the many posts on these forums. But down this road we go...... preparing to advocate for our first grade skip (with our son, I have a feeling there may be more than one in the future).

shellymos and giftedticcyhyper - sending good thoughts your way as you wait for your results!

Congrats m2gts! As I understand it, you may submit qualifying scores in Verbal and/or Performance, not just FSIQ. If you have qualifying achievement scores as well, you should look into applying. Have you checked out the site?

Neato