4. He spells at roughly a 4th-5th grade level right now. I can't think of anything to ask for on this except for him to be let out of spelling in-class. If that's done, what is the best option? Let him read quietly on something he chooses, work on his homework, or what? I really don't think he needs to learn spelling at all. He just picks it up, and if necessary he's shown that he can learn a year's worth of normal spelling lists in an hour or so (partly because he gets many of them right without practice, so that pace might slow down as he got to higher-level words where he might need to learn vocabulary). Would you ask for him to be let out of it, or for higher-level spelling, in-class or out? I view it as just so much do-work for him, and there's only so much time in the day for us to spend together, so I'd rather not have him loaded down with spelling homework.
I'm afraid I don't have answers for most of your questions -- your post sounds uncomfortably like a replay of what we went through at the beginning of ds's 2 years in public school. Our only recourse in the end was to move him to a private school that specializes in gifted ed. I hope you have better luck than we did!
But I do have something to suggest about spelling: when dd started getting several years ahead of her classmates, her L.A. teacher suggested that rather than continuing to even higher levels of it, she should study vocabulary via the 'Wordly Wise' workbook series. Dd was happy because it made her feel like a big kid, and I felt it was more interesting and useful than just memorizing how to spell words.
Granted, it's still something your son would be doing alone, which is not ideal. But at least it'd be IMO more engaging.
