Day 2.

Which of these families has a "healthy" dynamic?

Quote
"I got two A's" the small boy said.
His voice was filled with glee.
His father very bluntly asked,
"Why didn't you get three?"

Mom, I've got the dishes done,"
The girl called from the door.
Her mother very calmly said,
"Did you sweep the floor?"

The children in the house next door
Seemed happy and content.
The same things happened over there,
But this is how it went:

"I got two A's" the small boy said.
His voice was filled with glee.
His father proudly said, "That's great;
I'm glad you belong to me."

"Mom, I've got the dishes done,"
The girl called from the door.
Her mother smiled and softly said,
"Each day I love you more."

Children deserve a little praise
For tasks they're asked to do,
If they're to lead a happy life,
So much depends on you.



DD: Uhhh... is it just me, or is the second family, like.... WAY screwed up?? It seems deeply dysfunctional-- maybe even abusive-- to tie approval and love to performance that way. WOW. I mean, I can't say for sure that the first family isn't being obnoxious, either-- it sort of depends on the individual children and the context of the conversation. I mean, supposing that the daughter has a weekly chore list and that dishes AND sweeping are both on it, kinda reasonable... the son, well, supposing that the grade that isn't an A is a surprise to them both... uhhhh, "what went wrong here" seems pretty legit.

Clearly this isn't the interpretation that the high school course is looking for. But "building self-esteem" isn't about dishing a non-stop stream of praise, either. DD knows it.

She also-- though she's frequently HEARD things like the first two stanzas-- knows that our love for her has NOTHING to do with her performance. Ever.

She said "I think it'll be interesting to see whether the happy and content children still have mom and dad supporting them continuously once they leave home...because it seems pretty clear that THOSE kids need a continuous IV of praise to maintain their self-esteem, and that they're being conditioned to feel worthy of love only on the basis of accomplishment, much of which may not even reflect authentic achievement. What kind of person feels proud of getting an "A" in a class that they can SLEEP through, anyway?"

LOL.


Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.