[quote=islandofapples][quote=annette]
Yes indeed. The example below can be an excruciating problem:
"If friends in my group have a debate, I might play devil's advocate, but others don't understand that I don't have a fixed position. They have trouble conceiving the idea that you might argue a point very well, not because you have any interest in winning a debate, but because you want to see the merit of the ideas being presented, so you can then decide what to believe. The idea of debating to acquire knowledge is odd to them. Using the socratic method in daily life is seen as an attack (which it's not!) The way I think and the reasons I do things are very different from others, and at first they attribute their motivations to me, but occasionally they see how different I am, and it confuses them."
Here's a solution that can help prevent other people from feeling confused with our behavior during a discussion. This is when and where we need to pause and slow down (often hard for us to do). This is when we can preface our contribution to a discussion by explaining ourselves first. We can say something like and this is just one example, and it can be adapted to fit any situation:
"Before I get started in this discussion, please let me explain myself first. I am open to changing my mind about what we're going to talk about, so I'd like to hear different ideas before I make a conclusion. And even then, I may change my mind later on too as I get more information. I'm just trying to find the truth that's comfortable for me. So if you don't mind, I'll be asking some questions and even be saying some ideas that may sound like I'm certain, but I'm really just probbing for what's true for me. Does this make some sense to you?"
This kind of introductory explanation before jumping into a discussion will help others understand where we're coming from better. Taking control of this, we can help provide ourselves with less feelings of being misunderstood by others. Sincerely, we do need to take full responsiblity for how we are perceived by others by explaining ourselves when needed.
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