Warning - I'm typing on my phone so I apologize for typos, etc
It is scary how similar our situations are Happily. I assume you have followed our saga as I have documented it here. The good news is I have laid a roadmap of sorts for you if you choose to follow that path. It has been hard. It has been taxing. It has been expensive. The good news, though, is that my DD is about to start an out of district placement that should finally provide most of what she needs.
Her program will cost our school district a small fortune - there is no way a parent could cover all the costs privately unless you are among the wealthiest of wealthy. This is the benefit of fighting for FAPE through your local school district. If they had acted in good faith and treated her with good will a similar program could have probably been provided in district for a fraction of the cost. I think they have learned from this experience because I have 2 friends - one with a recent 2E identification and one with anxiety - who just yesterday were telling me how much support their kids are receiving and thanked me for the battle that I fought. You CAN get your DS what he needs through your local district but you will probably have to fight for it and fight hard.
The reality is that parenting kids like ours is hard. Really, really hard. There is no easy answer. There is no right answer. Whatever path will get your child what he needs is a right path.
Don't make any decisions before you have a frank discussion with your advocate. Feel free to pm me if you want more specifics.
Good luck and enjoy your son. Taking time for the fun things is what kept us (sort of) sane.
