Make a list of what you DO want from a classroom teacher and placement-- first on the basis of disability, and with input from any professionals (docs, OT, etc) involved in his diagnosis/management.
Then do that again on the basis of what his GT needs seem to be at the moment.
You don't need to share those lists with the school at the moment, but you DO need to be thinking about prioritizing and getting as much of the most important stuff out of them as you can.
I think that your DS going home for lunch is tweaking them. This is sending up red flags (for them) re: possible enmeshment.
I mention that only because I've BTDT with my own DD and her disability, also hidden, and also one that contributes MIGHTILY to anxiety. Most people think that we're helicopter parents-- when they learn the truth, though (if they ever really accept it), they instead conclude that we're remarkably "hands off."
Do you have an outside mental health professional helping you strategize here? If not-- I'd line one up. NOW.
