HsppilyMom, I am soooo so sorry the meeting didn't go better yesterday. I am also so glad you've contacted an advocate.
FWIW, my first question when I read your meeting summary is: Do you have a date for either a 504 plan meeting or an IEP eligibility meeting? If you don't, you need to make a written request for one. The cynical side of me feels that your school is going to try to say that the meeting yesterday was just that - a discussion of whether or not your ds is eligible for an IEP eligibility review... and really it wasn't. Follow your advocate's advice - for sure - but I'm guessing that he/she will want you to put in a written request for a formal assessment for IEP eligibility. I think you're still waiting for the report from the neuropsych (?) - how long do you think that will take to get? If it's just a matter of a few weeks, put in the written request now and set the date for the meeting at a time you'll have the report.
I would also try to wrap my head around separating out the LDs from the giftedness in terms of advocacy for now. You are still advocating for both, but your ds *really* needs to have appropriate accommodations for his LDs in place *now* so that he can show his knowledge and not be held back long term - which can happen both because the school refuses acceleration but also because he doesn't learn how to use accommodations and therefore can't perform to his full ability later on. Plus I suspect that at this point in time, his anxiety is driven as much, if not more, by the LDs not being accommodated and being misunderstood, than the lack of proper acceleration. It doesn't mean you're ignoring the gifted needs, just putting them in 2nd priority for a short time while you make sure his LDs are acknowledged and accommodated (and remediated if that's part of what he needs).
We've been in a very similar place with our school when advocating for an IEP and accommodations for our ds. It took quite a toll on me, to be honest. Even with the help of an excellent advocate and even after we'd received the IEP. That was only half the battle (or maybe less, in the long run). The school didn't follow through with most of what was written into the IEP, because they'd never wanted ds to have an IEP in the first place and they didn't share a true concern about ds' needs, and their focus moved from the student to proving the parent wrong and proving services weren't needed. That continued long after the IEP was signed and in place. I hope that your situation doesn't play out that way, and that your advocate is able to help you be successful in getting the accommodations/services/ and understanding from the school that your ds needs. I only mention this because at some point in advocating through all the brick walls etc that the school kept putting up, I realized that I was spending a ton of energy fighting the school when what I really wanted to be doing was spending all that energy helping my child. We were at a point with our school when we had been advised that we could (and maybe should) seek legal counsel, and we had an offer of legal advise pro-bono, and that was the point I realized too much of my effort was going toward fighting. My ds had also matured to the stage where he recognized he needed help, he knew he had an IEP that meant the school had goals/etc that they weren't helping him with, and he saw that I was continually advocating and the school really didn't care what I had to say. I knew from talking to friends who are teachers in other schools in our district and to a few professionals who'd been involved in advocating for students and families through legal issues with our school districts that if we went the next step of bringing in a lawyer we would just be prolonging the fight with little hope of getting what my ds truly needed. At that point in time I realized it was time to switch schools. And *wow* what a difference a school can make. Our new school has teachers who are happy to allow our ds to have accommodations. It hasn't all been smooth sailing but it has been so much better than sticking with our previous school.
Anyway, you aren't there yet and hopefully won't need to be
But I just wanted to throw that out there - maybe as a point for your dh to consider - when you get to the point (if you do) that you really think you need a lawyer, maybe what you need instead is a new school.
Has your school psych contacted you yet (or vice versa?) - I'm just curious what her take on the meeting was.
I also saw you had a "district rep" present at your meeting. FWIW, during our process, our district rep was usually quiet unless we brought up a counterpoint to something the district tried to pull on us, and then she would step in and assert that we were correct. So she wasn't a proactive ally, but she was there to be sure the school didn't do or say anything that would come back to haunt them at a later date if the situation had ever moved to legal proceedings, so in that way she was an ally.
Sending you a big hug!
polarbear
