Wow - reliving this vicariously really has given me a knot in my stomach. I'm so sorry you and your DS have to deal with this.
How explicit were the recommendations for accommodations? I know you don't have an IEP or 504 in place yet and this meeting concerns me. I hope they aren't planning to fight against one. In K the school refused to even consider testing DD saying over and over (and over and over...) "She'd never qualify for services - she's too smart." They were willing to offer things like slant boards for writing but *only* if they could be used by other kids in the class as well. They refused any accommodations without an IEP or 504 and refused to do anything to allow her to be eligible for one. All of this despite my OT report documenting a very real fine motor deficit.
If you are comfortable with the psych I might go the route of a telephone conversation with her tomorrow. See what her perspective was on this meeting. If it looks like the dismissiveness is going to be the accepted response on the part of the teacher you are going to have a battle. You may need to bring in a professional advocate. You may need a letter from your pediatrician authorizing home bound tutoring if they can't meet his needs appropriately in school. I'm sorry to say that you may be in for a serious fight. It is just NOT OK for him to work to the point of pain, and beyond, without the school being willing to accommodate his needs. It just isn't. You are going to have to find a way to get them to understand that.
Sorry I can't be more hopeful. I am looking at this through the lens of my own experience. It was one strong willed ally, in the form of a school psych from our home district, who saw through the mess of denial and refusal at the inter-district magnet. All the good will in the world went out the window at our local school once we crossed paths with the principal who was totally toxic. I don't know your players so I don't know how your experience will unfold. I can only advise you to be prepared to act if you feel this goes beyond "not meeting his needs" and enters "he is being hurt."
Good luck.
