acs - I think you hit it on the mark. I guess that is why I don't push those things that don't have to be done (unlike homework which does have to be done) because what would be my motive??? My ultimate goal for my children is for them to be happy, well adjusted people, so why force them to do things they don't have to, don't need to, and don't want to just because I feel like they have the ability to do it. I think you're right, motive is really a lot of what it boils down to.