Originally Posted by Trinity
After reading them, I feel more strongly than ever that 'hothouse parents' is being used as a code for 'bad parent.' An easy way to attack folks who like to learn.

Actually, Trinity, I didn't really get this at all from the discussion. I define hothouse parents as the ones who are *using* their children's accomplishments to validate them and to accumulate status and that is not what I am doing and I don't think that's what you are doing, or, what any of us are doing.

I do think there are real hothouse parents who are grooming their kids for the best private schools from preschool on through Harvard and that the accomplishments of their kids are part of their social status goals. I know these parents and I've seen the kids and it really is not pretty. I don't blame educators who see these kids from being angry at the parents who are using their kids as a means to an end for themselves.

We know that this is not what we are doing with our kids, but until an educator knows us and our kids, I am not surprised that they might actually get confused about what is happening, because, honestly, there are probably more hothoused kids than HG+ kids in the average upper-middle class district! Because we are in a lower-middle to lower class district, there aren't many hothoused kids in public school and so I think I was spared false accusations, but I also made it a point to be known at the school as someone who helped out and cared about ALL the kids.

I remember talking to one of the teachers who had come to public school from an elite private school and she said that she left the private school because she got tired of all those pushy parents. I had worked a lot with her through the year to make sure DS's needs were met, so I asked her if she put me in that group and she just laughed at me because to her the difference was obvious. Some teachers just take more time to see the difference.