Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Hothousing- did you, didn't you, will you?

I'm not sure I agree with this last sentence, Mia, though I certainly agree with your larger point that it's all about the parents' intent. I do think it is entirely possible to be a home-schooling or after-schooling parent and practice hothousing, too. If anything, you have more opportunity and motivation to do it when your child relies on you for learning opportunities more than a traditional school. I know I sometimes feel like people think I'm a nut for home schooling, so I certainly feel pressure to have DS6 demonstrate success to the world at large. I don't think that's playing out in our school time--and hopefully the fact that I'm conscious of the issue means that it really isn't!--but it is on my mind.

Seriously, I worry. But we probably only do "real school" for 10-12 hours per week, tops. (Often less.) And DS6 tends to be easily distracted when faced with a challenge. (Teachers and the the psychologist who tested him have all noted this tendency in DS6. It's hard to miss!) Don't I need to push a little when his attention is wandering? They would in a traditional school setting, right? But balancing enough push and not too much is a daily dilemma for me personally.

And how do you tell the difference between a kid who likes the challenge and the one who just says he does to get your approval? Obviously I think DS6 likes what we're doing, and he's progressing quickly through the material. I check in with him often to make sure he's happy. He says he is. Heck, he's campaigning to home school again next year! But I worry nonetheless...

I'm coming to the conclusion that it's all about intent. And even that's tricky, because obviously both kinds of parents (hothousing and non-hothousing) want what's best for their kids. It's just that (IMHO...) hothousing parents are sort of missing the forest for the trees, if that makes any sense. They're thinking so much about the future that they're missing the child's present-day needs. And they're also prioritizing social status, which is their own want and isn't relevant to the child at all.

I think you're right, Trinity, that when teachers "accuse" one of us of being hothousing parents, they mean that we're pushy "stage moms." I think the assumption is that we're hurting the kids. It seems to me to be just another retread of the "When does the kid get to play?" thing, a question that's patently irrelevant to these kids, as Mia and others have already noted here.