I hear you and empathize.

My go-to is to keep trying to get the most important players at school to understand. If the teachers won't change, the administration and/or district special ed director must be involved to insist on change and appropriate placements for next year. Perhaps the neuropsych will be willing to come to a school meeting and explain things-- we have found this to be a useful strategy.

The neuropsych should at least certainly put in their report very detailed recommendations for what the school plan should include. Sometimes having it in writing from a specialist helps school to understand.

Yes, one does toughen up as a parent in this business. I fix what I can, I do not allow abusive behavior from teachers, and I teach DS as much as I can about how to not make mistakes twice. At the same time, a lot of this experience is going to produce learning for him. I think that a person with interesting wiring does have to adapt a lot in order to function in the world--I do not believe that this kind of learning has to be unpleasant, but we've all had unpleasant learning in our lives. I do not excuse ANY of what that school is doing to your DS-- highly inappropriate and must be stopped-- but if you keep working on making school appropriate while also informing your DS on how to respond better, I believe this learning can be important for his eventual success. That is a highly calloused viewpoint, but it's where I've gotten to after 10 years in the special ed biz.

I do talk with DS about advocating for himself, as well-- that is an ongoing conversation. He is learning to solve problems politely, ask people what they mean when he might have misunderstood, keep himself in check rather than flipping out, etc. Ultimately, these are good survival skills.