I have told a couple of close friends about the neuropsych appt and that she is evaluating for autism and nobody can even fathom that could be possible.
Our DS12 was misdiagnosed for years-- we knew something was unusual and tried to find answers. We were told he couldn't possibly have autism because [he speaks so well, he clearly attends to everything that's said, look how bright he is, he's just quirky and gifted, etc etc].
(That even though he adored spinning objects, lined up toys rather than playing with them, gave little scientific lectures to his friends, and freaked out at transitions. I mean *really*-- these would have been obvious cues, except that his gifts blinded the evaluators to these traits.)
And I've asked twice for SPED to look at him, no dice. When I first asked family doc for neurologist referral, he told me the only thing wrong with my son is that he is too intelligent to fit in easily.
Yep. That's the 2E problem. It's very hard for them to see. And kids like this are rare enough that most schools have no experience to bring to bear. (Based on level of giftedness and disability profile, I figure my child is at most a once-in-a-career type for any educator.)
I'm not sure why the idea he might have autism is so much more painful than "just" ADHD. But it is.
You know, one very distasteful side effect of the "autism awareness" campaigns is that autism has had a lot of press as a "devastating illness." ("This family was happy-- until autism struck"--cue the ominous music.) It's not an illness, and may or may not be devastating according to circumstances. This stuff can leach into one's brain and make one think that an autism diagnosis is an ending.
A 2E autistic life is a quirky and challenging life, but can be a very good life. I persist in believing that there is nothing wrong with autistic people per se (they are part of natural human variation). What's hard is the interface between the person/family with autism and the rest of the world-- the world may be "aware," OK, but there is not yet enough acceptance and understanding to make it smooth sailing.
And yet. My DS just came back from a school sporting event very happy-- he had a lovely time, no parental supervision, found and enjoyed his friends, remembered to eat dinner, happy that his team won, feels good. That is: doing normal 12-year-old stuff. We had a heck of a strenuous journey to get here, but here we are, and things are looking pretty bright these days.
