[quote=DeeDee
Stay so calm in these interactions that everyone can notice that you are the sane one. This can actually be very intimidating to people who are behaving badly-- they expect you to run away. [/quote]
This actually made me laugh out loud--the "sane" thing, which I have been seriously questioning.
It's been suggested to me that the teachers may feel threatened by me, because I have gifted master's and taught in this program, and they are new teachers. It is difficult for me to conceive of anyone finding me threatening--my approach all year has been "I know this is frustrating, please help me crack the code." But there is some nonsense I won't allow to go unchecked. I ignore things like their lack of consistency in following the 504, but address language that is not behavioral/descriptive of my son's behavior and instead assumes an understanding of motivation. i.e., if they say "he doesn't care," I say, "it may seem that way, but it is a skill deficit, not a character or personality issue." It really pushes my buttons when teachers tell me what my child is thinking or feeling--particularly when I don't believe they've bothered asking him. Keep it behavioral, please.
Basically, I think I've approached this all completely upside-down. They are not interested, clearly, in understanding my son and there is nothing I can say that will make them *like* him. So I am letting that go. He has plenty of adults in his life who find him delightful. I went into it with the frame they would be interested in him as a person but I think that is not the case.
It takes a LOT for my son to emote, he is a stoic kind of guy. But he has done a fair bit of crying this year about school, and told me at one point he felt "hated and unwanted." I felt eviscerated but he moved on.
I just heard yesterday, that another friend's child, actually failed the Art class that we're struggling with right now--and was not asked to leave the program. That gives me a little bit of courage.
I am going to print out the emails, etc., as you suggested and create The Binder. It irritates the heck out of me that this might be necessary. I have an acquaintance who is extremely well-versed in advocacy (and is a former teacher, now homeschooling) because of her own son with autism, who has offered to come to meetings with me as my "spunky advocate." I think she will be a powerful resource. I become some overwhelmed in these meetings, when I sense the antipathy toward my child, that I freeze. That, and I'm introverted by nature so need time to process, not good at thinking on my feet.
I'm still stunned by this entire year--I do feel "consumed" but wouldn't any parent, watching her once happy, excellent student, suddenly sucked down the drain? It's somewhat comforting to know that a lot of children struggle with the MS transition, but only somewhat.
