I spend a lot of time teaching our teachers to simply be more informative with DS so that learning can take place. That is, for them to tell DS explicitly and calmly what other kids can infer. "When you do X it bothers the class; I need you to do Y." "When I say 'we are on page 42' I mean 'turn to page 42'."
I have tried so hard to have this conversation. When they have said he needs to be kind and supportive toward other students, I've asked for specific, concrete examples of how he could demonstrate this--or how what, specifically, he needs NOT to do. I've explained that he doesn't understand when I use vague terms. They can't even tell *me* what they mean, so where to begin?
He got in big trouble for making a joke about a classmate "not getting the point" when the math teacher was teaching about coordinate planes--points on a graph--he was being punny, in his mind. It was perceived as bullying.
It took days to get to the bottom of this. Finally, when I explained to my son that the reason he was in trouble was because the joke was at someone else's expense, he understood: "So, if I had said *I* don't get the point, it would have been funny?" Yes, dear. He had thought all along he was in trouble because the teacher didn't get his joke and didn't think it was funny--which struck him as unjust and made him angry (which seems to be his go-to emotion in these cases).
He is pretty thick-skinned and doesn't get his feelings hurt easily--I guess I should be grateful for that, because it protects him. OTOH, *I* get my feelings hurt, profoundly, on his behalf. I guess I need to toughen up. Hard to do. I am a counselor and work with kids (many of whom have diagnoses) and adults, helping them with emotional issues. So I have a pretty high awareness of how hurt people can be and the damage that's done in school for kids who march to their own drum beat.
I do know that my child is still emotionally intact, thank goodness, since we speak that language at home all the time. He told me the other day that I am the only one he really trusts, because he knows that I would never intentionally hurt him.
I want school to be a safe place for my child.
