Originally Posted by Tallulah
I can't multiquote, but talk of a behavioural 'tell' for IQ is over generalising your personal experience. I don't deny that your child was into everything at two, or needs to be run hard in order to sleep, or asks lots of questions, or is upset by others not following the rules, but those are not universal or even necessarily common amongst high IQ kids. I know more than several dozen very high IQ kids (all tested, and many PG), and tons of very smart adults and they are as varied as any other group. Sure, the high IQ kids with ADHD do need to be run before they can concentrate, the anxious ones are nervous when people break rules, the talkative ones talk and the quiet ones sit back and observe. But that's part of their personality, not a necessary part of where they fall on the range of IQ. Some of the quietest rule followers can blow you away when you really dig, as can some of the most fidgety wrigglers.

As a parenting tactic, it might be useful to stop saying "my kid runs me ragged because she's bright" and start saying "my kid runs me ragged and she's bright". Two different things.

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Same with the hyper-energetic 3yo at the park who is talking 100mph and asking why-why-why-why questions, peppered with observations about EVERYTHING, many of them insightful in the extreme, and a preference for older kids and adults. That's a "tell" for a gifted child. The parental exhaustion and attempts to get her child to be quiet about unusual topics of interest... well, I know that look, too.

Your commonality with that parent is the activity level of the child. You're not knocking on the door of the parent whose kid is curled up with a book to share a knowing look.


Actually-- I am. Because THAT was my kid.

She peppered me with her talking, all right-- but most people who saw us in public would have had no idea when she was that age. I just looked haggard and lonely, if anything. So yes, the example that I chose is just that. ONE example

I also pointed out earlier in the thread that when you've seen one gifted child, you've seen one gifted child.

Still, the entire package of being "other" takes a particular and peculiar toll on parents. That is the real "tell" for me personally. DD and I are aces at finding and warmly interacting with (often wary) parents and their 2e kids. Seriously. It makes us both very happy to share something kind of normal which is-- ultimately-- a rare slice of normal for both us and them, because we're non-normative. While we may become accustomed to non-normative, and accept it, or even prefer solitary living if we are introverts, there is also a powerful undercurrent of sadness in not being able to share in common social experiences as freely as others.





Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.