I think the term gifted is the issue here. Gifted can come in many variations. I think if the parents want to say gifted without testing that's fine but I personally wouldn't say a child was PG or HG unless testing had determined it. I know there are people on this board whose children tick all the boxes but haven't been tested yet for whatever reason, they still know their child is gifted based on their child's behavior. My brother is definitely gifted (and likely 2e) and was tested several times in elementary school but didn't test gifted. He also didn't test well on the SATs. He is still brilliant and got a doctorate in a highly scientific field and was told that he had solved problems they had been trying to solve for over 10 years in the department. So IMHO testing while it is the gold standard for educational purposes it is not necessarily a one size fits all situation. I think the criteria should be whether the child appears to need this group and fits in. BUT I am personally concerned with accuracy. If a child has not been formally tested, or did not test into HG they should not be referring to their child as HG or PG. The concept of HG and PG are constructs used to describe a child who has been tested and found to have a particular IQ - I'm not sure they can apply without testing since they are related to scoring (others may disagree, and that's fine). That said, I do believe in multiple intelligences too, and so if a child doesn't necessarily look gifted they still may be gifted. My DD does not look gifted compared to my DS, however I had her tested at the same time and she tested higher than he did (to my utter surprise). I realized I had a sleeper on my hands...

You are not elitist if you say you have a HG child. You have had your child tested and this is what you have - and you have a child who thinks very differently than most children and you are trying to support that by finding peers. This is difficult to do if the other kids haven't been tested so I think you need to trust that if a child is not gifted it will soon be obvious to all and that child will end up leaving the group anyway.

So what is the criteria set for this group? It sounds like the people in the group have differing opinions on what giftedness is in the first place...