Yeah-- "Wow, we had no idea..." is truly music to our ears. It means that we've done a good job making sure that DD is somewhat cushioned from the expectations of a world that is entirely out of step with her development in many ways.
That wouldn't be possible at all, however, if she were a different child, or if we didn't (all of us-- her too) work as hard as we do at it.
By "kindred spirit" I'm definitely not talking about assuming that another party is a soulmate or anything. I'm referring quite specifically to certain "tells" of an unusual condition that often garners nothing but ostracism/envy/derision from the community at large.
I have two different (and unrelated) experiences there as a parent, and I stand by my assertion that you
can tell who the other parents are-- there are things that they do (or do not do) which are often subtle indicators reflecting their lives as "other" with respect to other parents.
To go with suevv's analogy, these are the families with smartphones out, who read EVERY label in a grocery store-- and even read
duplicate labels on two identical cans of tomatoes before placing them into the basket. Their kids wear fanny packs or cross-body "purses" even as little kids, and they have medic-alert bracelets on. Then there are the people with "wheat allergy" who eat the pumpkin out of the pie shell, or "just take the bun off" of a burger while they tell everyone within earshot about how amazing their chiropractor is with their food allergies (always plural). The latter, I just grit my teeth and ignore, much as it pains me... and the former, I smile at with a great deal of sympathy-- because I know just how hard life is for them. If they smile back, or look particularly defeated, I might even strike up a conversation. Because I already know.
Same with the hyper-energetic 3yo at the park who is talking 100mph and asking why-why-why-why questions, peppered with observations about EVERYTHING, many of them insightful in the extreme, and a preference for older kids and adults. That's a "tell" for a gifted child. The parental exhaustion and attempts to get her child to be quiet about unusual topics of interest... well, I know that look, too.
These are not generally parents who are trying to
seek attention. Usually, they are tired and attempting to go under the radar of those around them, having learned that most of the world is completely out of step with their day to day reality. They are sometimes very lonely.
