The discussions we manage to have IRL with other GT parents about our kids are always very natural & matter-of-fact... just like groups of parents w/average kids enjoy with each other, or any other cluster of parents along the spectrum.
I question that there really are "average" kids. Lots of kids have some degree of asynchrony and most parents of typically developing kids worry about their kids too. Even in GT circles there can be tension as kids vary widely in what they need and parents can feel defensive for decision to accelerate or avoid acceleration for that matter.
Them: "How's your kid doing in math this year, our daughter just got all her math facts memorized up to 5?"
Me: "Yeah, math is hard. Oh, our son is still blond. Did I tell you he stuck a penny in his ear last week? What an idiot, huh? ... Hey -- how 'bout them Giants?"
There are lots of ways to be compassionate and engaged in conversation without joining in calling your children names. If there isn't then time to move on to a different conversation. Genuinely caring about other people means there are possibilities of connecting even the experience is not exactly the same.
How you would respond would have a lot to do with other bits of information not contained in the example - Is this a close friend? Is this the first you've heard about this from a random stranger? Is this a person who regularly complains about her kids? Depending on the situation appropriate answers might be "It is great she's making progress, I know it has been tough to get there", "math was never my thing either", "I'm not a huge fan of the math curriculum, what do you think about it?" "it is hard to see our kids struggle with stuff isn't it?" "math can be so frustrating - is she still loving soccer she really burns up the field doesn't she?"
So maybe I'm not getting this last part of your suggestion. In my mind, milestones, achievement & development are a big part of what makes up any kid.
So, if you had a child who was significantly developmentally delayed would you then define them as having less parts? Would you find less about them to love, care or be interested in? Is there no way in your mind to love a person separate from what they achieve?
