Beyond that I don't see why it is a threatening idea to consider maybe there are things we can do as parents of gifted kids to lessen our sense of isolation and to parent in ways that are authentic and comfortable with less risk of alienation of others.
Forgive my cranial density... but I obviously don't understand the premise here. Arguably, we have all succeeded in the first part by finding this and similar on-line AND off-line forums. (I don't know about the others, but the on-line forums are much more convenient, in-depth and informational for me.)
But as for the second part, how exactly are we parenting in ways that are not authentic and comfortable? I've never considered the authenticity of anyone here to be in question. (And no matter how gingerly we step, someone is going to feel alienated... to this I can only say "tough nails.")
What ways can we find to the social parts of parenting besides getting support online? Is it worth considering reshaping a bit the way we think about and talk about our kids?
When I was growing up (in clustered, self-contained GT throughout school), my parents didn't have any difficulties with peer support, because all the other parents they knew were in the same proverbial boat. There were rarely, if ever, "awkward moments" when milestones were discussed... at least nothing like many here have experienced.
Sadly, our district has run away from clustering like scared little bunny rabbits, clinging instead to their egalitarian notions of hetero- classes. As a result, there've been plenty of uncomfortable situations for us when involved in some sort of discussion about our kids with other parents.
The trouble, though, is that I believe that the parents of GT kids have already reshaped the way we talk about our kids IRL. After all, there's just no polite way to take part in a discussion about milestones when your little one is leaps & bounds above in one way (or several). Instead, the parents who, perhaps, need to do a bit of re-shaping are many of the others... and no, this is not just a slice of "It's always them, never me..."
The discussions we manage to have IRL with other GT parents about our kids are always very natural & matter-of-fact... just like groups of parents w/average kids enjoy with each other, or any other cluster of parents along the spectrum. But in mixed situations, there's gonna be awkward moments for someone no matter how carefully you parse your language.
Discussing milestones is perfectly normal and is every parents way of knowing/confirming that a.) their kid is not a weirdo, or b.) their kid is progressing just fine. I've recently been transcribing 70+ years worth of diaries from a family matriarch that chronicle (almost daily) events from about 1885. And guess what? Plenty of recorded thoughts, observations and so forth about the development of this kid or that. No passing of judgments; just watching the growth of those around her.
I also think it is worthwhile to spend time thinking about how our kids are affected by the ways we talk about them. If they hear us over and over again defining them as about their precociousness how can that feed perfectionism and feelings of pressure?
Now this is something altogether different. I believe that parents in general (and GT parents especially) are very mindful of how they discuss their kids when the kids are within earshot.
I will say that I don't believe it requires a complete change in our culture for individual parents to consider what role milestones, development, achievement are playing in how they think about and talk about their kids.
I'm left again with a big question mark rattling about my skull...
Them: "How's your kid doing in math this year, our daughter just got all her math facts memorized up to 5?"
Me: "Yeah, math is hard. Oh, our son is still blond. Did I tell you he stuck a penny in his ear last week? What an idiot, huh? ... Hey -- how 'bout them Giants?"
So maybe I'm not getting this last part of your suggestion. In my mind, milestones, achievement & development are a big part of what makes up any kid.
Now the thing that totally torques me off is that if we had these same conversations involving athletic abilities, parents will high-five themselves until their hands are bloodied, celebrating the accomplishments -- minor and major -- of every kid with relatively few "awkward" moments for anyone. Rarely any hurt feelings no matter how disparate the skill levels. But I suppose that's a topic for another day.
