A recitation of milestones would be annoying. But I think that growing and developing is the job of kids. It's what they do. My job is to help them do that. Not talking about what they do is like not being able to talk about our work.
Maybe that's the difference... I think that if a kid doesn't have disabilities most of these milestones that are generating comment aren't work - not their work and certainly not my work. They are simply a part of the process of developing. To gas on about the kid putting two words together seems a lot like gassing on about the kid's toes growing. It isn't something to claim credit for. It simply is. In the scheme of many parenting related topics we could be discussing it seems one of the least interesting to me.
It does say something I think if people hear not talking about milestones as the equivalent of not talking about or enjoying children.
Some of that is just about recording the child's history.
Maybe that's it. I'm not a fan of the dates and names version of teaching history either. The most important themes can be missed in the details. For most of us the age we sit or say a two word sentence has little or nothing to do with what our lives actually become. And the early emphasis on these types of milestones may shape who we are in ways that aren't positive. The attention to smarts, the early expectations of precociousness once established by parents can be hard to put the breaks on later.
It's about appreciating all kids and making everyone feel good--the kids about themselves and the parents about the job.
But, the reality is that it often makes parents of young children feel terrible and insecure. It makes people worry about their kids and the ways they don't fit. Any two minutes on any parenting board online reveals the ways in which these comparisons feed insecurity.
Actually, I've found that it's often with parents of developmentally disabled kids that BOTH sets of parents feel most free to share the good stuff.
Do you have a developmentally disabled child? I would keep in mind that many disabled kids aren't not accurately diagnosed during the baby, toddler or preschool years so many parents during that time don't have a neat label that makes everyone comfortable with sharing milestones that are far out of the norm. All people may have is a vague uncomfortable feeling that something isn't quite right and when they share stuff people are not quite sure how to react.
I think people with kids at the left side of the Bell Curve too often get pity when they want celebration, and I think the people with kids on the right side get competition (or disbelief) when they want celebration.
Well put. I agree. That's why I say instead of seeing this as a process of love we take the more radical step of rethinking if this is how we want to define what it means to enjoy or know children. What ways can we find to enjoy children that are totally separate from defining them, and us by extension, by their accomplishments or talents?
