Wow. This topic has certainly generated a lot of passion
I'm a big fan of honest conversation, and this is a difficult issue for many of us, so I think it's probably good that we're having it. At the same time, I hope that it does not leave any of us reticent to share our feelings about our kids. For me anyway, this board has provided something that has been sorely lacking in my world--a place to share without reservation what I'm experiencing as the parent of kids who are outside the "norm".
I was thinking about this whole debate about milestones, and it makes me kind of sad that talking about milestones is perceived as bragging, even here. To me, every new thing that my children learned to do gave me such a sense of wonder. I have spent all of my working life surrounded by kids, and as excited as I was about the idea of having my own, I was completely unprepared for the experience of watching my own children develop day by day. I think about those nature films with the time lapse photography of a flower blooming. Being a parent feels a lot like that. Milestones, if you want to call them that are cause for celebration for us, because they were cause for celebration for our children--each new thing they learned to do delighted them, and I was delighted by their delight and amazed by the experience of watching their development. As adults with busy lives, I think we often fail to slow down and appreciate how amazing our natural world is. It is easy to take our bodies, brains and hearts for granted, but when we watch our children develop, we notice those things. Why would we not want to speak that wonder and enjoyment out loud?
Because we seem to have a competitive cultural mindset; because conformity is so valued; because, because, and because...IRL talking honestly about our children and the joys and challenges we experience IS often uncomfortable. I enjoy listening to other parents talk about their kids. Stories about kids are often amazing or funny or sweet in a way that stories about adults rarely are. But when I listen to parents talk, I always feel I have to exercise some caution in my response. If what my children are doing, or what my children are challenged by is too discrepant from what I've just heard, then I feel silenced. Here, on this board, my children are never the highest acheivers. I don't have to worry that my honest sharing of joys or worries will be greeted with suspicion or the "well MY child...." response that comes from an assumption that my comments are meant to be comparative.
In this place I will continue to share my joys, wonders and worries; and to be an ear for the joys, wonders and worries of others. I won't see it as bragging when someone shares a turning point, accomplishment or wonder they witness as a parent; and I will hope that others won't percieve my share outs as bragging either. I believe that we all need to celebrate positives in order to be happy, and to be able to reach out for support and understanding in order to be healthy. Thank goodness for this place where we can feel free to do that without being plagued by that feeling of otherness!
