I wonder what topics related to parenting you would advise introducing at the playground? I'm up for more interesting conversation, but sadly I often cannot think of any when I am with a group of near-strangers.
I thought the same thing, no5no5.
I guess I don't understand the "gas on and on" thing, passthepotatoes. It seems like you've had some really bad experiences. Yes? It seems you're assuming an utter lack of sensitivity, when the point is that most people want to come here to talk about their kids *precisely because* they are sensitive to how their kids' accelerated intellectual development will affect others.
Could we agree that boorish behavior is NOT what we're talking about? I mean, "gassing on and on" would be rude regardless of the topic! I wouldn't want to gas on and on about the book I'm writing, but I might mention it in conversation because it's what I do all day, just like I might want to talk about my kids a little. No gas! About anything!
Trust me when I say that practically no one I see at the playground is going to have more than 3 words to say to me about Vikings (the topic of my novel) or the latest Science Channel show (since they watch American Idol and I don't). So what do we discuss? The weather gets old as a topic...
Part of having different kids is often being different, too. Kids are one thing--often the only thing!--I share with the people around me. It's hard that it's not open for discussion. but it isn't in most places. Here, it is and that's really nice!
Maybe that's the difference... I think that if a kid doesn't have disabilities most of these milestones that are generating comment aren't work - not their work and certainly not my work. They are simply a part of the process of developing. To gas on about the kid putting two words together seems a lot like gassing on about the kid's toes growing. It isn't something to claim credit for. It simply is. In the scheme of many parenting related topics we could be discussing it seems one of the least interesting to me.
It does say something I think if people hear not talking about milestones as the equivalent of not talking about or enjoying children.
I agree completely that milestones aren't the point, and someone who can only talk about that is a boor and a bore. I think we agree more than you are seeing.
But again, I think you're missing a very important point here.
It's not about "claiming credit" for anything. I really think you're misunderstanding what we mean by bragging. Think "saying nice things about and being proud of the people they are" instead of "gassing on and on." Think "being excited about how they overcome obstacles" or "loving that they don't give up, even when it's hard." Do you have a problem with that kind of pride?
The problem--the reason other people might THINK we're competing when we're not!--is that the things the kids have to work hard at are often so advanced that most other people don't understand that these things ARE hard for the kids, that they ARE overcoming obstacles.
I mean, *you're* even assuming everything is easy for them! Just because they're gifted doesn't mean that everything is easy!
When our kids show strength of character--GT or no--I feel strongly that we have a right as parents to feel proud of our kids and to want to say, "Hey, isn't this great! Yay!" But if what they work hard at is spelling a challenging word at 3yo or mastering a difficult algebra problem at 8yo, people don't get that it's the hard work, not the spelling or the algebra that is important. They hear "algebra" and stop.
Look at the brag thread. See the things that people think are brag-worthy that they can't share IRL. It's almost never "he hit this milestone early." Nearly all are things there are things that are clever or funny or quirky or show real strength of character. Yet these are things we know we cannot share with most other parents.
Do you have a developmentally disabled child? I would keep in mind that many disabled kids aren't not accurately diagnosed during the baby, toddler or preschool years so many parents during that time don't have a neat label that makes everyone comfortable with sharing milestones that are far out of the norm. All people may have is a vague uncomfortable feeling that something isn't quite right and when they share stuff people are not quite sure how to react.
I don't have a diagnosis for a developmentally disabled child--possibly one with LDs or 2E issues, though all I have right now is the vague uncomfortable feeling that something isn't quite right. He's not hitting most milestones early, though he's way ahead on a few. 2E seems likely. (And BTW, I love to brag/say nice things about him, too, regardless of milestones! He's such a wonderful kid!)
My friends with developmentally disabled kids have elementary-aged kids or older, not babies or toddlers. They all have diagnoses. One very good friend has a 25yo son who just moved into a group home to live without mom and dad for the first time. We've talked a lot about how proud they are of him, and they don't/can't do that with most people. Pity again.
But most of the developmentally disabled kids I know are in the 5-10yo range, and several parents have commented to me about how nice it is that they get to speak freely with me about schools, special needs, individualized education, and even milestones their kids have hit and how pleased they are about their progress, and we've chatted about how much more we have in common than we have with the parents of kids in the middle of the Bell Curve. I am careful not to be insensitive, but I am able to say, "He doesn't fit the norm, and that's a challenge we face," and they understand.
I hope that does a better job of clarifying.
