wow. all great replies! Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest. I know that parenting is hard and I agree that not being honest about how hard it is does no good for anyone. I just reconnected with a friend that I had not spoken to since elementary school (this is the friend with the 1 year old). We have been going to the odd walk/playdate and for the first time EVER I heard someone talk about how hard parenting is and how it was so unexpected. It was so refreshing to hear someone being so honest. I didn't even get that from my mom and baby classes I took when dd was a newborn. I couldn't sit with the group for more than 5 minutes a class because she was so fussy and refuse to be happy unless I was walking while holding her, but she wouldn't even let me walk in the mom and baby room...I had to leave and have her in the hallway. Even then, she would cry 90% of the time. But i would come back into the room to pack up at the end of the class and the instructor would ask me how everything was going. I would say "great" and she would say she was so glad to hear that and what a cute baby bla bla bla. It just felt like what we are supposed to do. How could I and why would I tell the group leader about my problems. Anyhow, it was so nice to hear my friend talk about it. I really respect her for being so honest!

I also agree with those of you that have mentioned something to the tune of happy mama=happy baby and that it is time to do something for myself. One part of my life that I miss so much is school. I wanted to be a university professor, but I have so much education left. It will never happen. That is a goal that I have to let go and it is hard. Another part of my life was soccer. I played very competitve level soccer and I miss that too. That is something that I don't really have the drive for anymore. I am just too tired and honestly I feel too old. So what is left of me? I don't know. That is something I have to figure out. If I was to do something for me, what would it be? Maybe I could start by trying to find time to go to the gym. I jsut don't know when that time would be.

I know there was more I wanted to say, but I can't remember right now. I will probably psot again later!

Thank you all again...so much! I keep reading the other posts in hopes of finding something I can give input/help with, but there is nothing yet. I really thank you for letting me pick your brains and letting me give nothing in return to you.