Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion off topic...do you ever wish this or is it just me

I am so blessed in that my son's scores, which when combined together put him solidly in the 'Moderatly Gifted Catagory,' were extreame in just the right way that qualified him for Davidson's Young Scholar Program. Of course he does have a 4 standard deviation split between his highest subscores (many ceilings) and his lowest subscore (25%) - and I imagine that this is some of the reason that he was such a clingy baby, he didn't have a smooth developmental path. One of the great blessings is that I got to meet other Davidson parents and found out that 'No, it's not that I'm superficial and get board with other people after about 20 minutes at times, it that I really am quite different in my interests. I had made an early decision to channel my giftedness into 'being likeable to agemates,' as I felt that I stunk at it from 4th to 6th grade. Lucky for me, being dreadfully UNpopular during those years help me work on my 'Hello, Stranger' - since I was never going to be socially tolerated in that school building, I had nothing to lose. Later I developed a 'social mask' which did help me achieve my goal of being able to hang out with any group of kids. But I underappreciated that there is part of me that 'needs' to spend time with other people who have had similar experiences. I just took the lovely way I felt in my honor's Math class for granted. I need a variety of people with a variety of wonderful qualities in my life. I was in Gifted Denial so heavily that I had NO IDEA of this, and really cheated myself in the years after college and before DS was 'identified.' Of course, I always blamed any of my frustration on myself, never looking to see if my expectations were reasonable. Is it reasonable to spend 0% of my socializing time with Gifted Girlfriends? No. So often I think that the main thing Gifties lack is a reliable 'reference.'

During this period of time, my son was born. It was the first time in a long time that I got to spend a majority of my time with a Gifted Person. Did it matter that he was 6 weeks old? Not really. I was starved. Sometimes I worry that I created his giftedness because I needed it so much, and then I spend time with some of his agemate friends and realize, 'no' - DS and I just happen to have 'great chemistry.' I've seen enough families with more than one child, and know that this exists. [Being a GOOD parent is a very different thing than having 'great chemistry' with one's child.] Another blessing of the Davidson YSP is that I realized that as my son was getting older and more independent, that I was going to HAVE to prioritize finding a social life that met MY needs, so that I wouldn't be leaning on him longer that I should. ((BTW, thanks cyber-friends, you are definitly part of the picture; I love that I can get on here just open up my brain, without having to talk about the frozen pipes, or steer away from gossip or discuss shopping.))

One of the cool things that I've noticed with Kids and Adults at these Davidson Gatherings, is that people who call themselves 'shy,' sometimes are just 'constitutionally shy' but others are just 'shy' in the 'once bitten, twice shy' sense of the word. And when the context changes - they play, they talk, they dominate the conversation. If sitting next to a Mom whoes kids is happily playing with your child, and listening to the Mom saying: "He is so shy and stand offish at home, he never finds anyone to have fun with, it's great to see him really enjoying your son." doesn't bring a tear to your eye, then I guess you weren't shunned socially at school like I was during 4,5,and 6th grade. ((tears from just thinking about it))

So, Onsie, I'm wondering if you really ARE shy (and you sure may be) or if you have learned to 'keep your mouth shut' and nod your head to try and get by in the ND world.

The other thing to keep in mind, is that many of us Gifties have lots of OverSenstivities to noise, certian lights, sitting still, smells, itchy tags on clothing, and that many social situations (such as cocktail parties) don't make us feel like social butterfiles, because we are distracted by feeling like we are going to jump out of our skin. If you don't understand this part of yourself, then you can't use your social skills to manage situations in a way that you can be at your best. DS and I rolled our eyes during the movie 'August Rush' and the main character's parents find themselves up on the roof together during a party, and so they assume that they 'had so much in common.' My perspective is that 'of course' one will want to 'step away from the noise and heat of a party' and be alone in fresh air for a minute. But I know that people will look around at a room full of apparently happy partiers and assume that they are the only one feeling 'OverStimulated.' I know because I was able to say: 'Hey, It's really hot and loud in here, do you want to step outside for a minute and cool down?' and when the person would follow me outside to where we could talk without screaming, the first thing they would say is: 'Wow, it was so loud in here, I wanted to step out side for a minute, but felt like that would make me a loser, so glad that you suggested it.'

Of course maybe they were just being polite - LOL!

The book Outliers quotes research that suggests that to become a master at anything, one basically just spends 10,000 hours doing it. You probably spent that long with Soccer, and I probably spent that long figuring out how to hang with agemates. If it was my birthday and I could spend just one day experiencing the world through the body of a highly trained athlete, I would treasure that day. If I could lend you my 'social muscularity' for a day, I certianly would. But the truth is, that even small gains will eventually add up to the point were one can get enough experience to really enjoy oneself. It just may take a while to get over the hump, and also having small realistic goals to start with.

Smiles,
Grinity