Okay, girl, we could talk, because you have written just about everything on my mind.
Sometimes I catch myself saying or thinking, "If I just had one full week without the baby...!" and then I realize the horror of my thought. I, too, wanted 4 kids and we are going though adoption (first match fell through in December).
We weren't sure how we'd find the time and energy for a second whirling dervish who sucks every millesecond of time out of our lives, but seeing DD with little babies has made us realize she wants to help raise them. In some ways, we expect having a second whirling dervish would make our parenting lives easier. (Famous last words, right? lol) DD is a breeze around other people - it's impossible for me to single-handedly provide her all the input, stimulation and feedback she requires. DH and I agree she needs a family around her.
Lately I've been struggling with having an ideal life - which I have - and still feeling grumpy. It boils down to me not feeling I can acccomplish much, especially compared with things I used to do. There are so many productive, creative, organizational, and health related things I'd like to do that I have to constantly push back, back, back in my mind because raising DD is all-encompassing right now. After awhile that mental self-denial seems to bother me.
I wish we could get together for a playdate! Better yet, I wish we could get together for a spa day.
