Yeah-- the real problems for us (socially) are almost always as a result of one of two things:
a) people who just plain don't give a rip about inclusion-- or even safety and eat whatever they want, whenever and wherever they please,
and, paradoxically--
b) those who are AGGRESSIVE about feeding DD (or me) even in the face of gracious, gentle, and steadfast refusals from us. They make us go there* with them.
* "there" being "No, as a matter of fact, much as I like you-- NO way am I putting my life in your hands, because I don't trust you that much."
There is no way around the fact that this is the baseline issue. I don't trust most people with my life-- and neither does anyone else, really, when you stop and think about it.
But insisting on feeding someone like my DD? This is like being aggressive about doing some kind of surgical procedure on her... I mean, how vastly intrusive and inappropriate would THAT be?
Sorry-- I know that you have complete confidence in your ability to perform a tonsillectomy, but please understand that as much as I like you... um... I'm still thinking this doesn't make you a surgeon!!
The difficulty is that EVERYONE eats, and most people cook to some degree, which in their minds translates into an ability to do this perfectly well.
They're wrong. At least with people who are at the most sensitive end of the distribution, this is NOT a beginner project, finding/preparing/checking on safe food. We don't even have some allergens in our house at all-- and my DH and I are both highly trained chemists with decades of laboratory experience. So look, if WE think that even WE can't manage it... why on earth would we trust someone else to safely prepare food for DD in an environment that we wouldn't trust ourselves in??
Hint: we wouldn't.
So yeah-- no offense to people in my life who have sometimes gone to extreme measures to try to feed my DD (new pans, buying new flour, etc.), but I know just how easy it is to make a mistake in a single microsecond of inattentiveness.
