I grew up in a low income, abusive single parent household (this is by way of illustration - no sympathy required!) I have a PG (tested) father and a >99.9% daughter.I have no idea of my own IQ, but I hold my own with my PG family members and the parents of other >99.9% kids I know, I have a successful career in an intellectually demanding area, so I assume I fit somewhere on the gifted scale.

I guess I wanted to perhaps provide a personal account of difference in quality of communication between house holds (I know I am not the only person on this board who has experienced these things, but through extended family and my husband's social connections, I have a somewhat unique opportunity to compare and contrast). In my house my mother worked long days. From 8yo I looked after myself before and after school. She was exhausted, would leave me in front of the TV or to play endlessly on my own. When she did talk to me it revolved around her problems. She took no interest in my education, I was never expected to do homework, She drank and took various illicit drugs, I assume to self medicate. She suffered PTSD and a personality disorder and all I really remember from school is spending the day in a state of complete turmoil - I can't remember a single lesson or a favourite (or even a hated) topic. (All of which has ultimately shaped who I am in quite positive ways, I should add - though I wouldn't necessarily recommend such an approach as a means of building resilience!)

I left school with a very poor understanding of the basics; I had to relearn even basic elementary school maths concepts with my daughter. I have had to re-teach myself the basics of grammar. I have picked up much of my current knowledge from returning to study. My knowledge of history, politics etc is entirely self taught as an adult.

Obviously not all low income families will have abuse or mental illness as a factor (and many middle and upper income families will), but the stress and exhaustion of trying to keep a head above water means things like checking home work, finding time to even get to the library, knowing what is going on at school, having the emotional energy to listen to a child's problems and dreams and time and energy to advocate, all go by the way side (especially for single parent households, where the whole load is borne by one, often with no one to bounce problems off). It is not necessarily that middle or upper income families work less, it is that (as others have touched on), the day to day stressors may be less and that means that even just the time people do spend together may be more enriching (plus there is access to the already touched on capacity to provide more experiences, more books, access to user pays information, having access to networks of interesting/useful people etc).

I contrast this with my daughter. We had enough money that I could work part time or not at all. I had time to read to her endlessly when she was very little. Time and energy to help her with those topics that piqued her interest. We explored (and continue to explore) how the world works together. I have advocated for her to a point where I know she is in the best possible place she could be school wise (it's not perfect, but I'm realistic about just how much can be done for her unless we home school - which is not an option, because I don't have enough of the basics myself). We are a team. Even without her mental health issues, my mum would never have had the time or head space to do these things.

Through a quirk of fate, my husband has introduced me to some of my home country's (including some of the world's) wealthiest families, and through my work and my extended family I have come to know a number of senior politicians, senior public servants and senior members of the judiciary quite well. There are a lot of people in those cirlces who are acknowledged to be in high powered roles simply because their networks (through family, friends, the reciprocal networks of elite private schools etc) have ensured that is so. That's a pretty cushy starting place. But I have also met through those connections some of the loneliest, saddest, most terrified people I have ever come across. That to me is not success - for their positions have not been earned and it has not resulted in anything that could be described as human flourishing. In these examples there is an expected progression and life is set up to achieve it - through the best educational opportunities (including tutoring), through prearranged jobs, through guaranteed financial support if things turn pear shaped. Don't get me wrong, most work extremely hard - but often no more so than my friends from public housing who have dragged themselves out of poverty and into middle level or senior roles on a smaller scale.

The assumption that success = high status is flawed (as many have said above). High quality of life is much more complex, is very personal and involves factors well beyond poverty or wealth.

(Edited to add - I don't mean that all the wealthy or powerful people I know are unhappy and/or don't deserve their success - only that high levels of apparent career success are not necessarily indicators of particularly hard work or happiness, and that structural factors absolutely influence access to education, support and opportunities. They just don't in themselves equate to happiness either).

Last edited by Nerdnproud; 05/04/13 05:23 PM.