Hi, Raoul--
My "wife" (we are not married) cried several times last week, feeling lost by my son's behavior. … She is so anxious about school also … So I am, but in a different way … let's say with less guts.
Yes, this is tremendously stressful on parents. This is why I advocate finding some respite help (someone to look after your son and give you a break sometimes)-- it doesn't have to be a tutor, anyone who can keep him safe and occupied can give you space to breathe.
I will deal with the Asperger issue. Indeed, we are in the process of passing diagnostics by a specialized psychologist (in April). Many of its behavior lead to think about that (it is surprising that after just 2 posts describing my son, Asperger is quoted
I think you're right to look at this possibility.
… many psychiologists in France would argue the mother with her too huge love for his son, claiming that high potential, ADHD are just fantasy, while taking the money and making the parents losing their time … we lived that for 18 very painful months
Raoul, nobody with any sense believes that about mothers and so forth. That is 1950s pseudoscience. I am appalled that a professional said that to you.
Nevertheless, my son has rather good social skills. He can talk with anyone easily .. OK, the way he communicates can seem rather weird. Besides, he is not afraid of changing routines. He also has a lot of humour (he very easily understands wordplays and formulates ones of his own). His present psychologist said us that there are different Asperger level… Honestly, I do not know what to think about this hypothesis and I am unsure that passing the diagnostic will convince me that he is or isn't Asperger.
None of this rules out Asperger's, and the "weird" communication rather suggests it.
What do you mean SIaSL about being Asperger in France ?
There has been recent news coverage here suggesting that children with autism are not well treated in France, with some families traveling to neighboring countries to seek treatment.
Based on that, a neurologist diagnose ADHD ( last year at the age of 6) and gave him a long-delivery Ritalin equivalent. Things then improved at school, but not that much and definitely not at home: it was the beginning of rebellion, violence, tantrums ….
Raoul, for my DS9 (who has Asperger's) ADHD meds alone would not work at all. The stimulant increases focus but also creates more anxiety-- which is intolerable. We found that our DS needs an SSRI (antidepressant) to decrease anxiety. This also helps him tolerate the ADHD med. If I had to live without one of these drugs, I would omit the ADHD med and keep the SSRI-- it has been very important for him to live with less anxiety, and he has flourished since we chose this path.
Everything did work pretty well with other kids till the end of kindergarten. He had a lot of friends, boys and girls, although he was different. He was kind of with them but not at the same place (on the moon or somewhere else). As an example, when neighbors played soccer (you know the strange game where you just can touch the ball with the feet), he could run in any directions or played bumping the other players or simply take a chalk-stone and draw things on the asphalt.
My DS found soccer impossible too. It's better now (he's 9). He is better at sports like swimming, which are more orderly and don't require figuring out a whole crowd of people at once.
"And I would definitely talk with him about his exceptionalities -- if only to say that you understand how frustrating it can be to have so many ideas and such a hard time getting them out."
Well, we did not have done that .. We should think about that …
It will be important for him to know that he learns and thinks differently from other people; that he has some wonderful skills and abilities; and that his differences are not his fault. The sooner this becomes an accepted topic of conversation in your family, the better. My DS went through an awful time of blaming himself for his bad behavior; now he knows why, and it's easier for him to accept that he makes these mistakes sometimes. Very important for self-esteem.
Best wishes--
DeeDee
